the Jazz are done. I'm considering crying, just to get it out of my system. but I'm in the middle of an intelligent debate about the Lakers, Kobe, and the Jazz with a Lakers fan, over another friend's facebook status. hm. maybe I'll wait till I'm done being intelligent and illogical, before I give way to emotion.
yeah, I know. none of you understand my passion and dedication. I don't expect you to. it's odd. and I'm weird. but it's a part of me. so let me have it. people are ok with passionate and dedicated football fans. so I can have my jazz. and eventually eat it, too.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
verdade
honestly?
all I want is to fall madly in love with someone who cherishes me above all others. and have a delightful love story together. and serve Jesus together, for all of our time on earth.
is that so much to ask?
and why does it seem like everyone else in my life make that simple desire so complicated and difficult?
and,
it's not fair.
but I know God never promised it TO be fair.
even so. being left out and left behind still does not seem fair.
and that's hard.
but something I'm constantly giving back to God, and letting Him control.
and that's hard, too.
:: change this something normal, into something beautiful :: joc
all I want is to fall madly in love with someone who cherishes me above all others. and have a delightful love story together. and serve Jesus together, for all of our time on earth.
is that so much to ask?
and why does it seem like everyone else in my life make that simple desire so complicated and difficult?
and,
it's not fair.
but I know God never promised it TO be fair.
even so. being left out and left behind still does not seem fair.
and that's hard.
but something I'm constantly giving back to God, and letting Him control.
and that's hard, too.
:: change this something normal, into something beautiful :: joc
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
this strawberry tastes amazing! part 2.
then again, there are way too many areas where I feel the Christian community has become bound by legalism, by putting God into a box simply so we can call one thing black and the other white, so we can understand it and feel safe.
and I hate this so, so much.
too often we focus on rules, and what's "bad" and what's "good" and create a safety net around ourselves, in order to keep the world away. not even to stay in the nonconforming state, but we push the world and those associating with the world away.
seriously. consider this. some Christians condemn others who frequent bars in order to establish relationships with the lost, and to share the hope of Jesus with them. yes, obviously it would be stupid for someone like me (24 year old, blond hair blue eyed single white female) to do this. as would it be for someone who had alcohol addiction problems. but in the sense that a strongly planted man of God, then why the issue? Jesus set the example by hanging out with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and those with leprosy. who's the equivalent in our society? well let's think...prostitutes, of course. maybe the homeless? or how about former sex offenders? perhaps even the gay community?
instead, we find our churches sanctuaries of people who spend endless amounts of time with each other, learning how to reach the world, while at the same time, getting offended by gay rights, Christians who swear, get tattoos, and go to bars.
rather than condemn that which you cannot understand.....maybe we need to build a relationship with the person we cannot accept fully. maybe we need to learn to understand their heart- and love the person Jesus died for.
yes. sin is sin. but not everything is black and white, is it? honestly, is it? and how can a person know that Jesus loved them and died for them, when all we ever do is judge the externals?
:: love wins ::
essentially what it comes down to is I feel caught between the extremes, some people on one end and others on the other. and I know naught where I stand, in many aspects. there's ultimate truth and God's law and His standards. but there's also grace and forgiveness and redemption and mercy. trying to mesh it all together is often a mind-boggling and confusing thing for me to do, especially when I get such opposing views. and please.....if you're going to comment, don't tell me what to do. and if you don't fully understand what I'm saying, ask questions before stating your opinion. It gets wearying, having people jump to conclusions or assume they understand exactly why my thoughts are what they are.
and I hate this so, so much.
too often we focus on rules, and what's "bad" and what's "good" and create a safety net around ourselves, in order to keep the world away. not even to stay in the nonconforming state, but we push the world and those associating with the world away.
seriously. consider this. some Christians condemn others who frequent bars in order to establish relationships with the lost, and to share the hope of Jesus with them. yes, obviously it would be stupid for someone like me (24 year old, blond hair blue eyed single white female) to do this. as would it be for someone who had alcohol addiction problems. but in the sense that a strongly planted man of God, then why the issue? Jesus set the example by hanging out with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and those with leprosy. who's the equivalent in our society? well let's think...prostitutes, of course. maybe the homeless? or how about former sex offenders? perhaps even the gay community?
instead, we find our churches sanctuaries of people who spend endless amounts of time with each other, learning how to reach the world, while at the same time, getting offended by gay rights, Christians who swear, get tattoos, and go to bars.
rather than condemn that which you cannot understand.....maybe we need to build a relationship with the person we cannot accept fully. maybe we need to learn to understand their heart- and love the person Jesus died for.
yes. sin is sin. but not everything is black and white, is it? honestly, is it? and how can a person know that Jesus loved them and died for them, when all we ever do is judge the externals?
:: love wins ::
essentially what it comes down to is I feel caught between the extremes, some people on one end and others on the other. and I know naught where I stand, in many aspects. there's ultimate truth and God's law and His standards. but there's also grace and forgiveness and redemption and mercy. trying to mesh it all together is often a mind-boggling and confusing thing for me to do, especially when I get such opposing views. and please.....if you're going to comment, don't tell me what to do. and if you don't fully understand what I'm saying, ask questions before stating your opinion. It gets wearying, having people jump to conclusions or assume they understand exactly why my thoughts are what they are.
...:: truth ::...
My God loves me.
He told me so last night.
in my unpredictable emotional state, after a fantastic day of joy and excitement,
I wound up sitting in my car back at home
crying yet again. the bitter, constant tears.
angry at myself that these questions affect me so deeply.
that they are always, always nagging at my heart.
the song played for the millionth time: "trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
the truth and comfort surrounding, pushing back at the lies that always rise.
and this time as my eyes lifted, like usual, to the starry sky above
my eyes seeking solace in the glory and majesty of He who made even me.
the tears of pity, heartache, and pain
ceased.
my heart marveled at the astounding beauty.
my heart asked simply for a star.
my resolve, in a moment, was to trade the mourning for oil of gladness,
to wear a garment of praise, rather than a spirit of despair.
in that one simple moment, my Lord my God spoke-
and not one, but two brightly shining stars fell from the sky.
My God loves me.
He told me so last night.
"You are my portion, O Lord;
I have promised to obey your
words." Psalm 119:57
Boy (Lesson One)
Lesson one, do not hide.
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
and if you have questions we can talk through the night
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
it's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
you get there in time
Lesson three, you're not alone
But since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run
But this will still be your home
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, get there in time
In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
If you ever love or loose your innocence
There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do
And when you need it most I have a 100 reasons why I love you
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, you get there in time
If you ever love or lose your innocence,
just remember....
Lesson one....
Jars of Clay
He told me so last night.
in my unpredictable emotional state, after a fantastic day of joy and excitement,
I wound up sitting in my car back at home
crying yet again. the bitter, constant tears.
angry at myself that these questions affect me so deeply.
that they are always, always nagging at my heart.
the song played for the millionth time: "trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
the truth and comfort surrounding, pushing back at the lies that always rise.
and this time as my eyes lifted, like usual, to the starry sky above
my eyes seeking solace in the glory and majesty of He who made even me.
the tears of pity, heartache, and pain
ceased.
my heart marveled at the astounding beauty.
my heart asked simply for a star.
my resolve, in a moment, was to trade the mourning for oil of gladness,
to wear a garment of praise, rather than a spirit of despair.
in that one simple moment, my Lord my God spoke-
and not one, but two brightly shining stars fell from the sky.
My God loves me.
He told me so last night.
"You are my portion, O Lord;
I have promised to obey your
words." Psalm 119:57
Boy (Lesson One)
Lesson one, do not hide.
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
and if you have questions we can talk through the night
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
it's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
you get there in time
Lesson three, you're not alone
But since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run
But this will still be your home
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, get there in time
In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
If you ever love or loose your innocence
There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do
And when you need it most I have a 100 reasons why I love you
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time
So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, you get there in time
If you ever love or lose your innocence,
just remember....
Lesson one....
Jars of Clay
this strawberry tastes amazing!
a few weeks ago, I witnessed an interesting moment on facebook. I saw a picture of an adult female youth leader, and she was dressed in a revealing and not so modest dress. another friend, I think either a youth leader and/or former student, made a comment on her picture, and asked why it was ok for her to dress that way, yet constantly instruct the female students to dress modestly.
a pause occurred in my day. I stopped to think. why does this occur? it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed it. I've seen myself do this sort of thing, as well as many other people.
maybe I should elaborate. too often it feels like when "leading" youth, or volunteering in a position of authority over students, we as "adults" instruct them to live in a holy lifestyle, which in many aspects, we have ceased to live out ourselves. Now I do realize there is some sort of fine line. definitely, some things, such as certain books or films might include content which younger people may not be ready to deal with yet. there are some things that truly require a more mature audience.
that said, it still doesn't necessarily apply to aspects of life such as modesty, purity, cleanness of speech. it's as if we say to these students, "don't do this stuff now. don't speak this way or dress this way at this point in your life. but once you're older, it's not wrong anymore." or in the case of the woman wearing a very revealing dress- she's married. and it's as though we say, "you have to be modest and pure until you get married. then it doesn't matter anymore. dress the way you want. use unclean speech like the rest of the world. watch any movie you've ever wanted to, because now you're an adult and not only can you handle it, but the code of conduct doesn't apply anymore. not to adults"
yes, I realize none of us (in leadership roles or just in life in general) have ever consciously thought this way. I most certainly have not. but be honest: how else do we explain this forsaking of holiness, which we drill into students over and over. why are we allowed to change our standards of holiness, purity, modesty, speech, etc, as we get older? is it truly because we're more mature and can handle it? is it really because we've realized the standards were simply legalistic and they don't matter to Christ like we used to think? or has something else happened: have we drifted away from" keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27b)
let's be honest. are we truly becoming more like Christ in our speech, habits, time spending, money spending, thoughts, standards of dress, and what we allow into our vision and minds? or are we conforming to the world, fooled into thinking we're just growing up and cutting loose the chains of legalism?
these are the questions I'm deeply confronting. and through it all, for years in fact, I've wondered how exactly does Philippians 4:8 fit into my ever evolving, changing, and "maturing" standards. or does it not, and am I just becoming like the world, and not like my Jesus?
a pause occurred in my day. I stopped to think. why does this occur? it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed it. I've seen myself do this sort of thing, as well as many other people.
maybe I should elaborate. too often it feels like when "leading" youth, or volunteering in a position of authority over students, we as "adults" instruct them to live in a holy lifestyle, which in many aspects, we have ceased to live out ourselves. Now I do realize there is some sort of fine line. definitely, some things, such as certain books or films might include content which younger people may not be ready to deal with yet. there are some things that truly require a more mature audience.
that said, it still doesn't necessarily apply to aspects of life such as modesty, purity, cleanness of speech. it's as if we say to these students, "don't do this stuff now. don't speak this way or dress this way at this point in your life. but once you're older, it's not wrong anymore." or in the case of the woman wearing a very revealing dress- she's married. and it's as though we say, "you have to be modest and pure until you get married. then it doesn't matter anymore. dress the way you want. use unclean speech like the rest of the world. watch any movie you've ever wanted to, because now you're an adult and not only can you handle it, but the code of conduct doesn't apply anymore. not to adults"
yes, I realize none of us (in leadership roles or just in life in general) have ever consciously thought this way. I most certainly have not. but be honest: how else do we explain this forsaking of holiness, which we drill into students over and over. why are we allowed to change our standards of holiness, purity, modesty, speech, etc, as we get older? is it truly because we're more mature and can handle it? is it really because we've realized the standards were simply legalistic and they don't matter to Christ like we used to think? or has something else happened: have we drifted away from" keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27b)
let's be honest. are we truly becoming more like Christ in our speech, habits, time spending, money spending, thoughts, standards of dress, and what we allow into our vision and minds? or are we conforming to the world, fooled into thinking we're just growing up and cutting loose the chains of legalism?
these are the questions I'm deeply confronting. and through it all, for years in fact, I've wondered how exactly does Philippians 4:8 fit into my ever evolving, changing, and "maturing" standards. or does it not, and am I just becoming like the world, and not like my Jesus?
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Philippians 4:8
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
comments
so I hear from a few reliable sources that they cannot post on my blog. I know I changed the settings a while back, so I'm guessing that has something to do with it. (I did change the layout as well, but my IT background allows me to assess it properly, thus enabling me to determine it is the cause of the changed settings, not the layout.)
So. I changed some commenting settings, and think you should all attempt to comment. To see if I've found the bug.
Since we're on the subject: when I used my former work computer to try and post comments on many of your sites, I was unable to with said PC. Therefore, I was forced to wait until i got home to my MAC and freely comment away on everyone's blogs. Perhaps the real issue here is not entirely the matter of comment settings, but rather, the truly unfortunate one of PC (Piece of Crap) versus Mac. (My Admirable Computer.)
So. I changed some commenting settings, and think you should all attempt to comment. To see if I've found the bug.
Since we're on the subject: when I used my former work computer to try and post comments on many of your sites, I was unable to with said PC. Therefore, I was forced to wait until i got home to my MAC and freely comment away on everyone's blogs. Perhaps the real issue here is not entirely the matter of comment settings, but rather, the truly unfortunate one of PC (Piece of Crap) versus Mac. (My Admirable Computer.)
Monday, April 20, 2009
:: yesterday was the day of Proverbs 3:5-6. It was everywhere, and everyone was either quoting it or talking about it. I'm not sure what it means, but.............this means something! ::
Why these verses?
Proverbs 3:5-6
It has been my “saving” verse the past ten years. There is a Vineyard "Live From Australia" CD I listened to a lot when I was 15-17. When the lead vocalist was singing, she transitions into singing out that verse. It helped me get through many struggles, like when I was depressed living in Stockton, I would listen to it over and over and over again. The last two years, I've meditated on it constantly through the day, when I'm struggling with so many issues. So basically that verse is like my lifeblood. Any time I’m battling the lies the devil wants me to believe, I often just quote it over and over in my head, combating him with the Truth.
Jeremiah 29:11
Similar idea, but more of a reminder that God DOES have plans for me. My whole life I've struggled with the idea of me being worth anything, and I also had this mentality that my life would go nowhere, that I would be stuck forever in life in ways that I didn't want. I lived in the belief that my future was bleak and that I'd remain unloved, and never do anything with my life or myself. Jeremiah 29:11-13 is the total opposite of my natural thought process, and an important reminder to me, a rebuking of the lies I had lived in belief of for years.
Colossians 3:23
Reminds me that no matter how much I dislike aspects of my job, or whatever I'm doing, it's ALWAYS for God, never for man. Sometimes my mentality at work, or in other distasteful situations, I become prideful or have a bad attitude about whom I am working for and why they don’t deserve for me to keep doing my best. In those situations, or in other ones where people can't see what I'm doing, I need to remember that I should still do my best because my motivation is for God. I am naturally a perfectionist, who desires to give my best no matter what, but when I take issue with people or I become prideful for whatever reason, I tend to feel that they don’t deserve it anymore. So I need the reminder that I’m not even working for them in the first place, that it’s for God.
I tend to write my favourite verses on sticky notes, or on pieces of paper, and stick them places to remind me so I can focus on the truth and meditate on it. But last October I began thinking of getting them tattooed on me, partially to take the place of that and be with me everywhere. But also, I thought, “how cool would it be to have these references on me, so when people see them and ask what they mean? Then I can not only quote the truth to people, but in a sense, give them a testimony to what God’s done in my life, and how He’s used these verses in my life?”
I’ve thought about it since October, and made the appointment in February or March. I know a lot of people, including most of my family, are opposed to tattoos. That’s fine for them, but since I don’t see anything ungodly about them, myself, I finally just decided to go through with it. It was a very spiritual decision, (that sounds realllllly cheesy. I think I mean it was more of like a very personal commitment between myself and God.) and one I do not take lightly.
And that. Is the honest truth.
Why these verses?
Proverbs 3:5-6
It has been my “saving” verse the past ten years. There is a Vineyard "Live From Australia" CD I listened to a lot when I was 15-17. When the lead vocalist was singing, she transitions into singing out that verse. It helped me get through many struggles, like when I was depressed living in Stockton, I would listen to it over and over and over again. The last two years, I've meditated on it constantly through the day, when I'm struggling with so many issues. So basically that verse is like my lifeblood. Any time I’m battling the lies the devil wants me to believe, I often just quote it over and over in my head, combating him with the Truth.
Jeremiah 29:11
Similar idea, but more of a reminder that God DOES have plans for me. My whole life I've struggled with the idea of me being worth anything, and I also had this mentality that my life would go nowhere, that I would be stuck forever in life in ways that I didn't want. I lived in the belief that my future was bleak and that I'd remain unloved, and never do anything with my life or myself. Jeremiah 29:11-13 is the total opposite of my natural thought process, and an important reminder to me, a rebuking of the lies I had lived in belief of for years.
Colossians 3:23
Reminds me that no matter how much I dislike aspects of my job, or whatever I'm doing, it's ALWAYS for God, never for man. Sometimes my mentality at work, or in other distasteful situations, I become prideful or have a bad attitude about whom I am working for and why they don’t deserve for me to keep doing my best. In those situations, or in other ones where people can't see what I'm doing, I need to remember that I should still do my best because my motivation is for God. I am naturally a perfectionist, who desires to give my best no matter what, but when I take issue with people or I become prideful for whatever reason, I tend to feel that they don’t deserve it anymore. So I need the reminder that I’m not even working for them in the first place, that it’s for God.
I tend to write my favourite verses on sticky notes, or on pieces of paper, and stick them places to remind me so I can focus on the truth and meditate on it. But last October I began thinking of getting them tattooed on me, partially to take the place of that and be with me everywhere. But also, I thought, “how cool would it be to have these references on me, so when people see them and ask what they mean? Then I can not only quote the truth to people, but in a sense, give them a testimony to what God’s done in my life, and how He’s used these verses in my life?”
I’ve thought about it since October, and made the appointment in February or March. I know a lot of people, including most of my family, are opposed to tattoos. That’s fine for them, but since I don’t see anything ungodly about them, myself, I finally just decided to go through with it. It was a very spiritual decision, (that sounds realllllly cheesy. I think I mean it was more of like a very personal commitment between myself and God.) and one I do not take lightly.
And that. Is the honest truth.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
the beginning of something new
at the end of last year, I posted that my life was rushing ahead and eventually going to collide in a whirl of events that I could not stop. (well, ok. I didn't word it quite that dramatically. but still.) and now it's beginning to truly happen.
April 16th, 2009. Susanna is laid off from Conestoga Wood Specialties.
May 3rd. School at Grand Canyon University ends for the year.
Mayish. Hopefully Susanna transfers to the U, thus starting her last trek of education. Three ( I think) more semesters to go.)
June 12th. Susanna (Hopefully still!) moves into Josh's downtown apartment.
August 11th. Jes La Bleu returns to Utah after two years away!!!
Wow. The job hunt begins.
Truly trusting in God's provision, rather than a full time job ensues.
Finally, a real college student??
Community can start NOW.
I'm rather excited. It's all new and foreign. I told Micah on Sunday, "I wish I had been laid off!" Then on Monday, struggling to push through an endless day of sanding doors, I meditate on Proverbs 3:5-6, my life verse.
Today, the news at work was that we're not doing so good, and we have too much labor.
I decide I need to just get laid off, go to the U and save tuition costs of GCU, and find a part time job. (and trust God with my future. and get out of Tooele. and move forward.)
Honestly. I've lived too often in the shadow of what I think is expected of me. of job security. of whatever it is that capitalistic america does and is. I'm ready to actually take a step of faith, of action, and move forward with my dreams. I DO have dreams now. I DO have goals. and I'm certain they are rooted firmly in Christ. therefore, as the Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto thee." right? of course........
well whatever happens. I'm also very sure that God is behind it all. and even if I get laid off, I have a community of family who is supporting me and loving me every step of the way. I have three homes away from home, and even if I can't afford to live on my own after this happening, they are there for me! What a sweet thing, the relationships God has blessed me with!
ps. I feel such freedom from getting laid off, it's not even real.
April 16th, 2009. Susanna is laid off from Conestoga Wood Specialties.
May 3rd. School at Grand Canyon University ends for the year.
Mayish. Hopefully Susanna transfers to the U, thus starting her last trek of education. Three ( I think) more semesters to go.)
June 12th. Susanna (Hopefully still!) moves into Josh's downtown apartment.
August 11th. Jes La Bleu returns to Utah after two years away!!!
Wow. The job hunt begins.
Truly trusting in God's provision, rather than a full time job ensues.
Finally, a real college student??
Community can start NOW.
I'm rather excited. It's all new and foreign. I told Micah on Sunday, "I wish I had been laid off!" Then on Monday, struggling to push through an endless day of sanding doors, I meditate on Proverbs 3:5-6, my life verse.
Today, the news at work was that we're not doing so good, and we have too much labor.
I decide I need to just get laid off, go to the U and save tuition costs of GCU, and find a part time job. (and trust God with my future. and get out of Tooele. and move forward.)
Honestly. I've lived too often in the shadow of what I think is expected of me. of job security. of whatever it is that capitalistic america does and is. I'm ready to actually take a step of faith, of action, and move forward with my dreams. I DO have dreams now. I DO have goals. and I'm certain they are rooted firmly in Christ. therefore, as the Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto thee." right? of course........
well whatever happens. I'm also very sure that God is behind it all. and even if I get laid off, I have a community of family who is supporting me and loving me every step of the way. I have three homes away from home, and even if I can't afford to live on my own after this happening, they are there for me! What a sweet thing, the relationships God has blessed me with!
ps. I feel such freedom from getting laid off, it's not even real.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
the promise
:: yesterday, beautiful spring
blue skies
bright puffy clouds
cheerful sounds of birds
but the drive home
marred and blurred
bitter tears did fall
as once again, the heart begged the question: why?
why so hard?
why such a constant battle?
if the desire is there, why not met?
an answer did not come
but a new day did
and with that new day,
there also came
a simple reminder
that same little promise
that has carried the heart thus far:
"trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6-
O, that thine heart might rejoice and take faith in this glorious truth! ::
sm 4-14-09
blue skies
bright puffy clouds
cheerful sounds of birds
but the drive home
marred and blurred
bitter tears did fall
as once again, the heart begged the question: why?
why so hard?
why such a constant battle?
if the desire is there, why not met?
an answer did not come
but a new day did
and with that new day,
there also came
a simple reminder
that same little promise
that has carried the heart thus far:
"trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6-
O, that thine heart might rejoice and take faith in this glorious truth! ::
sm 4-14-09
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Abi at the Spring Fling. She was soooo happy to be there!
nothing's wrong with her. it's normal.
the Oasis dodgeball team. we sucked.
someone doesn't know how to make a normal face, either.
at the spring fling. not tired. at all.
Prego! hehehehe....
this one time, Mary Kate and I labeled everything in the Moore's kitchen. One label still remains, hidden above the fridge. Grin.
me and the new nephew, Micaiah Metzger.
David and I on our way back from Lake Blanch.
David didn't like the way he looked in the first pic, so we tried again at game night. Hmm....
Abi and I tried, as well.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
:: revelation ::
There has been an epiphany in my life.
Now I need to tell Jake and Cas ASAP!!!!
*hearting beating with exuberant amounts of excitement*
Now I need to tell Jake and Cas ASAP!!!!
*hearting beating with exuberant amounts of excitement*
Friday, April 03, 2009
just.....
I went to the Spring Fling last weekend, and David Askvig and I went around and............nope.
The day after, when I went to the Jazz game with Brook, there was a homeless woman on the sidewalk, and I.............nah.
Bob Brownell and I had a 45 minute conversation about Church last week, and he said.......meh.
David Gerhardt and I went hiking two weeks ago, and tried to get to Lake Blanche, but we couldn't because.............no, not good enough.
Our young adults group is going through a new book for our study, and I'm so excited, because it's....................no, that's not right.
I'm almost done with school, it will last only..............no.
At work on April Fools, I hit myself in the back of the head with a wooden pallet. I went to the Doctor, and................neh.
Next weekend, I'm going camping alone. And I don't care what........................eh.
My life's just not exciting enough to blog about I guess.
The day after, when I went to the Jazz game with Brook, there was a homeless woman on the sidewalk, and I.............nah.
Bob Brownell and I had a 45 minute conversation about Church last week, and he said.......meh.
David Gerhardt and I went hiking two weeks ago, and tried to get to Lake Blanche, but we couldn't because.............no, not good enough.
Our young adults group is going through a new book for our study, and I'm so excited, because it's....................no, that's not right.
I'm almost done with school, it will last only..............no.
At work on April Fools, I hit myself in the back of the head with a wooden pallet. I went to the Doctor, and................neh.
Next weekend, I'm going camping alone. And I don't care what........................eh.
My life's just not exciting enough to blog about I guess.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
As THE DEER
Marth Nystrom
As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longeth after thee
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee
Chorus
You alone are my strength my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship thee
You're my friend and You are my brother,
Even though you are a king.
I love you more thank any other,
So much more than anything.
I want You more than gold or silver,
Only You can satisfy.
You alone are the real joy Giver,
And the apple of my eye.
focus.
:: You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I get dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name ::
Written by Dennis Jernigan
Saturday, March 14, 2009
While I'm Waiting
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Psalm 5:3, 27:14, 33:20, 37:7, 38:15, 40:1, Isaiah 30:18, Lamentations 3:24
John Waller
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait
I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord
Friday, March 13, 2009
to be honest,
there's a LOT going on in my heart and mind lately.
and I don't want to share it with you.
yesterday, I had the worst day since Jan 1.
and I wanted to speak in profanities.
I'm pretty sure I need space.
and more time alone with God.
sometimes I hate blogging, because
it feels like my words are always misunderstood.
so why do I still do it?
this silly little thing, called
"approval of man".
or feeling obliged.
something like that.
so before I say things that don't belong
in this arena,
I'm gone ::
and I don't want to share it with you.
yesterday, I had the worst day since Jan 1.
and I wanted to speak in profanities.
I'm pretty sure I need space.
and more time alone with God.
sometimes I hate blogging, because
it feels like my words are always misunderstood.
so why do I still do it?
this silly little thing, called
"approval of man".
or feeling obliged.
something like that.
so before I say things that don't belong
in this arena,
I'm gone ::
Monday, March 09, 2009
Saturday, February 28, 2009
graphic design
Photo taken by Ritchie Espenilla, climber is Jonathan Strickland. Text added by Susanna Metzger via Adobe Photoshop.
alone and cozy
(Elizabeth in Hawaii)I just watched Garden State. on my laptop, alone in my room. I feel so cozy and content, with my $10 Wal Mart pillow.
I've been sick the last few days, so my head is all stuffed up.
I'm excited to sleep in tomorrow.
I didn't agree at all with Plugged In's review of Garden State, but hey- what's new? I think they want clean films that are always family friendly and happy endings. unfortunately, that's not life. and real life tends to keep me in reality check mode- and confronting the hard stuff.
The Halford Pout comes out!I've been rollerblading with a coworker after work a few days this week, and I'm happy he suggested it, because it's going to be a good way to start getting back in the groove. it's also opened me up to approaching people and issues at work with a fresh perspective, and I'm excited about where that may go. I am praying my heart and mind continually stays focused and centered in God, in order to be a good ambassador. In all honesty, I can think of a few instances this week where I chose to act or respond to coworkers in ways that I subconsciously felt that they would appreciate. Ug. I hate those random moments where I unintentionally attempt to be what I think others might like. Where did the unique, "Susanna doesn't care what YOU think about her, because Jesus is who she serves" person go in that moment? I don't like myself when I do that. Like laugh at a worthless, crude joke. Or smile when someone says something cruel and cutting about a former employee. That's not of Jesus. That's not love. That's not what I want to be.
So. Next step, confess my sins, confront and repent. And fill my heart and mind with love......to be ever sensitive to the souls that God loves just as much as myself. even those beastly people in over-sized, gas guzzling trucks who tailgate you when you're already stuck behind slow people. rawr.
in Page, Arizona
Monday, February 23, 2009
Caleb's Story
I was going to blog about this myself, but I feel that my brother did a better job than I could ever do. So, here are Caleb's thoughts regarding the Jr. Jazz game he coached on Saturday: (Below are all the words of Caleb Metzger)
I would like to tell you a heartwarming story and it has nothing to do with pregnancy or babies. Ashley is grateful for the break in pregnancy blogging overload.
Yesterday I had a Jr. Jazz game to coach. We were only going to have 4 players show up and the rule is that you must have a fifth player by the time halftime ends or you have to forfeit the game. The 2 players we were missing were 2 of our best, so even if a fifth player showed by halftime chances were dismal that we could make a game of it.
The game started and the 4 players on our team kept the game close through the first quarter. They even had a 6-5 lead at one point. The quarter ended at 13-9 in favor of our opponents. We had word in the second quarter that Micah Metzger, a potential 5th player, was nearing the gym but still a ways away. I used all 4 of our timeouts in the 2nd quarter to stop the clock. That wasn't giving us enough time so we committed 4 fouls in the last 2 minutes to keep the clock stopped as well. Then in a moment of genius, our team was going to have an inbounds pass. I told the kid to not pass it in, but hold it, take the turnover, and buy us a few more seconds. No one seemed to know what was happening with this and it took about a minute for the other team to assemble and get the ball in. As valiantly as the 4 players played halftime hit and we were losing 23-11. Halftime was winding down and we wondered if we would have our 5th player in time, just so we could finish the game. With 53 seconds left someone yelled, "there's Micah!" He ran in and that got quite the ovation.(Think Derek Fisher a few years back for the Jazz) Our team started quickly, having the correct amount of players will do that for you, and cut the lead to 6 in the first 3 minutes. Right then something happened that could have ruined the team's morale. One of our best defensive and rebounding players fouled out. This meant we had to finish the rest of the game with 4 players, and we had the full 5 players for only 3 minutes of a 40 minute game! The ref turned to me and said, "If you pull this one out, it'll be a miracle." Our team fought back playing excellent defense and scoring just enough to have the game tied as the fourth quarter ended. This meant we would go to a 3 minute overtime. In the extra period, Micah made a jump shot and a free throw and the other team could only muster a single free throw! At the end of a 43 minute game we had played 40 minutes with one fewer player and in this age group there should be no way to win against those odds. Alas, the score stood at 35-33 in our favor!!! The team and fans were pumped! After the dust had settled and the broken pieces of the opposing team's hearts were swept up, I took a look at the score sheet. In the 23 minutes that Micah had played, our team outscored the other team 24-10, with only 4 players! Micah had personally scored 20 points in those 23 minutes. He had doubled the other team's output in the time he played.
This is a team that does not have the most talent I have coached and probably not the most talent in our league. Athletically, they are not the most gifted team. But they play with the most heart and best teamwork of any team I have seen at this age level. They have finished the regular season with a 7-1 record, only losing to a Dugway team that has played together for a long time. If you want to see some awesome basketball, be at Clark Johnson Jr High in Tooele, Wednesday at 7pm.
I awoke from my sleep early the next morning dreaming that we were playing again and my heart was racing so much that I couldn't fall back to sleep. On the same note, Ashley woke up dreaming about hamburgers, huge chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and having to choose between chili and french fries!!! Oh the excitement of our lives!
I would like to tell you a heartwarming story and it has nothing to do with pregnancy or babies. Ashley is grateful for the break in pregnancy blogging overload.
Yesterday I had a Jr. Jazz game to coach. We were only going to have 4 players show up and the rule is that you must have a fifth player by the time halftime ends or you have to forfeit the game. The 2 players we were missing were 2 of our best, so even if a fifth player showed by halftime chances were dismal that we could make a game of it.
The game started and the 4 players on our team kept the game close through the first quarter. They even had a 6-5 lead at one point. The quarter ended at 13-9 in favor of our opponents. We had word in the second quarter that Micah Metzger, a potential 5th player, was nearing the gym but still a ways away. I used all 4 of our timeouts in the 2nd quarter to stop the clock. That wasn't giving us enough time so we committed 4 fouls in the last 2 minutes to keep the clock stopped as well. Then in a moment of genius, our team was going to have an inbounds pass. I told the kid to not pass it in, but hold it, take the turnover, and buy us a few more seconds. No one seemed to know what was happening with this and it took about a minute for the other team to assemble and get the ball in. As valiantly as the 4 players played halftime hit and we were losing 23-11. Halftime was winding down and we wondered if we would have our 5th player in time, just so we could finish the game. With 53 seconds left someone yelled, "there's Micah!" He ran in and that got quite the ovation.(Think Derek Fisher a few years back for the Jazz) Our team started quickly, having the correct amount of players will do that for you, and cut the lead to 6 in the first 3 minutes. Right then something happened that could have ruined the team's morale. One of our best defensive and rebounding players fouled out. This meant we had to finish the rest of the game with 4 players, and we had the full 5 players for only 3 minutes of a 40 minute game! The ref turned to me and said, "If you pull this one out, it'll be a miracle." Our team fought back playing excellent defense and scoring just enough to have the game tied as the fourth quarter ended. This meant we would go to a 3 minute overtime. In the extra period, Micah made a jump shot and a free throw and the other team could only muster a single free throw! At the end of a 43 minute game we had played 40 minutes with one fewer player and in this age group there should be no way to win against those odds. Alas, the score stood at 35-33 in our favor!!! The team and fans were pumped! After the dust had settled and the broken pieces of the opposing team's hearts were swept up, I took a look at the score sheet. In the 23 minutes that Micah had played, our team outscored the other team 24-10, with only 4 players! Micah had personally scored 20 points in those 23 minutes. He had doubled the other team's output in the time he played.
This is a team that does not have the most talent I have coached and probably not the most talent in our league. Athletically, they are not the most gifted team. But they play with the most heart and best teamwork of any team I have seen at this age level. They have finished the regular season with a 7-1 record, only losing to a Dugway team that has played together for a long time. If you want to see some awesome basketball, be at Clark Johnson Jr High in Tooele, Wednesday at 7pm.
I awoke from my sleep early the next morning dreaming that we were playing again and my heart was racing so much that I couldn't fall back to sleep. On the same note, Ashley woke up dreaming about hamburgers, huge chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and having to choose between chili and french fries!!! Oh the excitement of our lives!
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