for Charity

being the only one who asked why my day was glorious, (on Saturday, October 4th) this post is solely dedicated to none other than Charity!

On Saturday, October 4th, I awoke to the sound of rain. This doesn't happen to often, although it's the most lovely way to waken. I look forward to it, yearly. Easing into the day with the cozy sound of rain outside, I got ready in record time, and took Micah to bowling. There was just enough time to make coffee, so I enjoyed that during the ride. I happily gazed at low clouds while listening to 90.9, KRCL. MMM. Fantastic. And still cozy.

At the bowling alley, I had my book, Jesus for President by Shane Claiborn, and read that for a bit. I enjoyed some more coffee, talked with Delvin and Dustin, and said hi to Raida. (Remember Raida, Charity??!) Afterward, I took Micah to a friend's house, and I headed into Salt Lake. With KRCL. And more rain. The plan was to meet a new friend, Leigh, for lunch at her apartment. I was early, so I stopped by Salt Lake Roasting Company to A. Have more coffee. B. Read my book some more. It's often hard to focus on reading or homework at the Roast, because I enjoy people watching so much. I did this a little, but got a decent amount read. Ah, does that book ever resonate with me! It's like, wow. There ARE other people in the world who think/feel the way I do, besides the sole 5 people I grew up with. It makes me excited.

Meanwhile, rain continues. Time flies. Two other Christians are apparently meeting and reading stuff out of Corinthians. (I'm not nosey at all.....)I head over to Leigh's apartment, actually on the same street Sarah lived on. I.E., the best place to live!!! We had a great time together. I told her it was the FIRST time for me hanging out with an unmarried female since Liz and Bec left. That's at least a few months.....It made my day. We watched a movie, The Spiderwick Chronicles. It was ok. Fantasy, with my favourite boy actor, Freddie Highmore. We talked a lot, went hot tubbing, ate Stroganough, and enjoyed her brand new, classy black couches. The hot tubbing was at the complex, and it was still raining. Might I suggest trying hot tubbing outdoors in the rain? It's amazing.

Next, after saying our goodbyes, I headed off to meet ANOTHER single female for MORE coffee! I picked Hatley up at her house, and we went over to Beans and Brews. I officially don't like Beans much, on a sidenote. We talked nonstop till the loud, annoying teenagers drove us away. We proceeded back to her house, with more conversation. Some things I told her about myself are things I've been reluctant to be honest about. Not like, living in rebellious, rotten sin or anything. But things that I truly desire, and believe, which I haven't been honest about to myself and others. For some reason I feel like I'm compromising to admit it to anyone. Having shared, it was a relief, and has made it easier for me to reflect on my heart and soul.

Getting late, I said my goodbyes, and drove home. The ride home was filled with silence, as I chose to just let my mind be still. I thought about my day, and decided it truly was, the most glorious day EVER. Why? Everything went perfectly well,I was at peace, I had FUN, I spent time with women in similar walks of life, it RAINED all day, and I actually was able to do things I wanted to, and enjoyed. It couldn't get much better than this!

so that, my dear sister, is why the day was so perfect. I think given my circumstances, nothing else possibly COULD have been any better. Plus, it rained.

ps. Only one small thing went wrong.....The "World's Greatest Boss" mug I bought off Ebay for my boss arrived, broken. Boo.




at the youth retreat from last weekend. I look like I'm having a hard time of it, hehe.

Susanna and Lea in Sacramento




For the sake of posting.......

FIRST ONE:ONE-WORD TAG BLAST! (tagged by Brook)
The rules are that you have to answer these questions with only a one-word answer.
1. Where is your cell phone? Desk
2. Your significant other? Future
3. Your hair? Perfect
4. Your mother? hero
5. Your father? Around
6. Your favorite thing? outdoors
7. Your dream last night? Korver...
8. Your favorite drink? coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Glorify
10. The room you’re in? Office
11. Your hobby? Photography
12. Your fear? Alone
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Christ
14. What you’re not? Republican
15. Muffins? BRAN!
16. One of your wish list items? Contentment
17. Where you grew up? Utah
18. The last thing you did? Celery
19. What are you wearing? Business
20. Favorite gadget? P1i
21. Your pets? UGGG
22. Your computer? Amazing
23.Your mood? Energized
24. Missing someone? CHARITY
25.Your car? Reliable
26. Something you’re not wearing? Necklace
27. Favorite store? steepandcheap.com
28. Like someone? what
29. Your favorite color? RED.
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? awhile


7 things I can do: 1. Capture nature's beauty in a photograph. 2. Not speak to you for months. 3. Connect with teenagers. 4. Drive single men away. 5. Dance for hours. 6. Be alone for a long time, and enjoy it. 7. Drive in silence.

7 things I can't do: 1. Flirt. (have never known how.) 2. Play the drums. 3. Be "normal". 4. Play video games. 5. Stay focused without techological distractions. 6. Fully understand Calvinism and the Tulip Theory belief system. 7. Make people love me like I want them to.

7 things that first attracted me to Kyle Korver: (hahaha.) 1. He drives a Honda Civic. 2. He gives a lot of his money away. 3. He is friendly on court and treats people well. 4. Likes to eat peanut butter and jelly. 5. Has gone to Brasil and India for basketball without borders. 6. Spends time with inner city kids in Philly, and stays connected with them. (His Bible study with them continues there even without him!) 7. He plays the greatest sport ever, and on my favourite team ever!!! (Hey, you asked.)

7 things I say most often: 1. Cool. (I hate that.) 2. Sweet 3. Awesome. 4. As IF! 5. Nossa. 6. "One thing about me is,". 7. How 'bout them jazz?

7 favorite foods: 1. Mushrooms 2. Cereal 3. Coffee 4. Fruit 5. Vegatables 6. Soup 7. Cheese.

Now I tag 7 of my friends to do this..... (please do, I would love to hear what you say)Cassie, Jes, Elizabeth, Rebecca, Jenny Jordan, Sarah Hare, Sara Weikel.



Ryan Dahl, Susanna, Gregory Richardson, Mary Kate

:: what a glorious day ::

Today was the most brilliant, perfect day. Ever. Everything was beautiful from start to finish. Amazing.

So far, school is going well. Trying to balance the time of homework, work, and regular life gets rough. I'm not as busy with other activites now as I used to be durign school, and my grades show it. Sometimes though, when I get home from work, I'm not motivated to study at all. That's when I'll allow myself (it usually happens one night a week.) to watch my current Netflix film. :) Last night was one called "Four Days in September", about a revolutionary uprising in Rio de Janeiro in the 60's. (I think.) My film watching times consist of either lying on my bed or floor, with the curtains drawn tight, a blanket, a cup of tea, coffee, mixed drink, or a beer, a nalgene full of hot water for warmth, headphones if it's in English or Kate's music is too loud, and my phone close at hand. There is an art to the way I like to enjoy my films, and I'm getting pretty close to perfecting it. It's rather enjoyable, though when I first started I felt like a loser for always watching movies alone. Now I prefer it and look forward to it.

Well, it did the trick. Not only was it a moving and well made film, (I kinda cried.....) but it gave me motivation to get working. I got a lot done last night and Monday night, so I feel pretty good about that.

The film did, however, make me homesick- for Brazil. How does that work? I was in the location most-lived in during my life, feeling homesick for another country. Sigh. I don't understand myself. I think I'll just finish my cuppa.......

Fount of Wisdom

:: a man is not happy if he does not have what he loves; or if he has what he loves and it is hurtful; or if he does not love what he has, even though it is perfectly good. the happy life is 'when that which is man's chief good is both loved and possessed' :: Augustine




Look, Brook, look!!! Remember all our efforts to try and find a simple photo booth, and we constantly failed? Well, James and I found one at Boondocks in Draper! It wasn't broken or anything. So when you guys come back to visit, we need to go to Boondocks and use it!

(Abi and I tried the one at Hollywood Connection last year- it wouldn't take our money.)

My Heart ::will praise Him ::

Til I See You

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name

Hillsong United

I know I keep posting song lyrics and nothing else. There's not a lot more I could say right now......the songs capture my heart pretty well and they're all pretty much my daily anthems at this point. If I try to say more, it will most likely end in self-pity, and be pretty similar to where I've been before. So I'll let you enjoy the lyrical poetry that others have shared, and not my sorrows centered in a small, small world.

:: Praise God from Whom All Blessings flow! ::

The Stand

"The Stand"

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

And this song. By Hillsong United. Sooo good!

Mighty To Save

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me

Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save

Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
And fill my life again

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender I surrender

Savior He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x2)

Savior He can move the mountains
My God is Mighty to save
He is Mighty to save
Forever Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave (x2)

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing for the glory of the risen King...Jesus (x4)
(Mighty to Save, Hillsong United)

I love this song

My Song

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You’ve always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to Be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived life can be loved alone


:: Learn To Be Lonely (Phantom Of The Opera)::


so true.

mais de voce

Tonight Kurt Gelman and I decided that the claim of Michael Phelps being the greatest Olympian because of his medal count isn't well-grounded. Swimming has so many events, of course you can win loads of medals! Then you have people who do extremely difficult events, but only have a shot at one medal per Olympics. So it's not an appropriate comparison. He's great, don't get me wrong. But greatest Olympian EVER? hmm....

There's been far too much eating and speaking going on in my life today-now my jaw is as sore as ever. So, I took some more lortab to combat it. But then I spilled my coffee all over the floor and my hand. Tears may have been close at hand......

Tomorrow after work I head out to Destination Unknown......a youth event with my church, Salt Lake Evangelical Free. Funny thing about this said event, however. The only students signed up so far include my 3 youngest siblings, a few other homeschoolers, and 1 other kid who Lea says, "he is LIKE a homeschooler". So. We're in for a socially awkward, very eclectic trip.....to the unknown. Hmm. Wonder what will go down?

Speaking of church......(I listen to the Relevant podcast too much. the segway fascination has been rubbing off on me for sure!) I've been in a VBS drama for Sunday School the last few months. they split it up, instead of doing it for one week, they've been doing it on Sundays. I volunteered to Lea to be in the drama. And ended up with the lead role. It's been a lot of fun, but a lot of lines to memorize! The best part is, I play a Creation Scientist. My specialty! So i can basically get up on a soapbox, and it's real! well. not an actual, physical soapbox........more like, a real, figurative soapbox.....um. ya. I have to go. I have a food. in the oven.....



So I have a major dilemma. I need to move out by winter, for various reasons, but mostly because I can't live in Stockton and be involved in anything extensively. It's too time and fuel consuming. Plus, getting to work in the winter will be a bear. But all the housing options are not as ideal as I would like. In reality, all I want is to have my own place. Even if small and crummy. I'm so sick of having to move constantly, and into other people's homes. It's draining. And, it's my biggest struggle right now. Watching most of my friends and family get married and start a home together is painful- now, more so because of the home factor, and not the man factor. Good switch? Bad? I'm not sure. I've been avoiding the decision because I can't afford to live on my own, but dread having to accommodate myself yet again to a new household. Sigh. Anyway......I need help/wisdom/prayer in making this decision. Work does play into it as well, and currently I don't know how stable my job is. So I'm also afraid to make a move, then have to get a new job, and then have to move again.

Yet another extremely complicated dilemma in my life, which I must deal with, and not ignore. Speaking of.......I had a few good confrontations recently. Which I initiated. One about Calvanism/predestination, and another with someone I had to tell I am not interested in. Ouch. Hardcore. But it went well. It all did. Praise God or honesty, humility, and trust. Without it, I have a super hard time with confrontation.

This has been quite the all over the place and disjointed post. Guess that happens when you don't blog enough, and your life events begin to blurrrrrrrrrrr together!

This is what the maintenance manager found dying outside our building at work:


It was super small, but the first scorpion I've ever seen! too bad it was dying. A Friend/coworker and I are going to try to find some more.


This is Ryan Dahl. He's in our youth group. He's pretty much best friends with Kate and Abi. And he's the bad guy in the drama I'm in for VBS. He's pretty much awesome. For a 17 year old.

In other news. Congratulations to my sister Charity, for being accepted to Grand Canyon University! She starts September 1st, and I'm crazy happy and excited that she finally gets to go back to school!!!!! Woot!

Pain & Joy

My wisdom teeth were removed Thursday. The dentist has always been one of my biggest fears- I guess I just don't like someone drilling around in my mouth. Can you blame me? But since I have health insurance/dental for once in my life, I decided to take advantage of it. Wednesday I actually had a cavity filled, as well. Now that's all out of the way, I can focus on other fun things.....like getting another mole removed. No worries, just precautionary..... Hopefully!


this is me at home after the surgery. Thankfully, they were all in so it was a quick one and I didn't swell up a lot.

The best part of this ordeal is that my newfound friends, the Gelmans, came out to visit me. Not only did they drive all the way out from Sandy to Stockton, but they have 4 kids ages 5 and under. What friends! We rarely get visitors here because people for some reason seem to think it's our duty to drive in to visit them all the time, and somehow the friendship doesn't work both ways. But Kurt and Lea Gelman are troopers for sure!!! Lea is my new best friend in Utah- we have declared our undying love to each other. Grin. Seriously, though. Since all my other best friends and sisters now live in other states and countries, God truly has blessed me with her friendship. Even with her being a few years older and having 4 kids, we still connected way better than you could have planned. I am blessed.


I took Lea with me to Lagoon for my work Lagoon day a few weeks ago. This is us, after a long hot day of walking around, enjoying some of life's best: fruit.











Lea's true side comes out at youth group.










at the end of June, beginning of July, I went as a youth leader for the Challenge Conference, an Evangelical Free Church Of America youth conference that happens every two years. There were only 4 leaders, Lea and Kurt Gelman, and me and my friend Erik. Lea and I bonded. I pretty much poured out my heart with her- t'was good.







at youth group: Kurt is the youth pastor at church, and I babysit their 4 kids every youth night. Here I am with their youngest, Zion. He's adorable.





Now I'm just chillaxin at home, getting bored and catching up on The Office. My jaw hurts.

early morning and my coffee

some lovely trees from Hatley's and my hike, up Deseret Peak


me and my new sister in law, Ashley


I know how to have a good time dancing!













just to let you all know, I drink way too much coffee these days. ever since getting a job promotion to a desk, I've had copious amounts of coffee. daily. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get ulcers sooner than later. but it's just so hard to stay awake when just sitting at a desk all day!

recently when listening to a Relevant Podcast, they were interviewing one of their interns. he told them that when he started working there, he was surprised and kind of disappointed upon finding out that most of the work was just sitting at a desk, staring at a computer. and they all agreed that this is what the real world is like.

I'm not so sure I agree- at least, it doesn't have to be that way. not for everyone.

QUESTION: (imagine that being asked in a Dwight style tone) what do YOU do too much of?

strange, the pictures I randomly picked to use for this post........

awareness

I have just been made aware of at least 4 new friends blogs. huzzah!

Grace

if we fully understood grace, or even came close, I think we would often be so amazed and taken aback at God's love for us, that we would find it so much easier to be who he wants us to.

if we learned to apply grace towards others, in the same way God has for us, we would love in ways none of us could imagine.

why is the fairly simple concept of grace so difficult to move from theory to practice? sometimes I believe grace is hardest form of love for me to act on, and truly believe in my heart. do we honestly understand what it means to show a person grace, in the face of reality?

Question

Jim enters the office dressed as Dwight)
Jim: It's kind of blurry. (puts on the same glasses as Dwight's) That's better. Question: what kind of bear is best?
Dwight: That's a ridiculous question.
Jim: False! Black bear.
Dwight: Now that's debatable. There are basically two schools of thought—
Jim: Fact: bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
Dwight: Bears do not—what is going on? What are you doing?



Bahahahahahahahahaha!

My Xanga

In order to make the most of my time, I won't be posting on here very often. I've had a Xanga blog for about four years and i truly regularly post there. I'm more connected to many friends on Xanga, so I'll stick with that for now.

So, if you care at all to see any pics or read my thoughts, try out Susanna's Blog and I will see you there!

Susanna

a moment like this

one of my best friends, Cassie, became Mrs. Jake Ulasich on Saturday. Woot! And I don't even have a picture of her in her stunning dress. Ah well. I shall have all the pictures from the photographer next week. (I do keep bragging about that, don't I?)

Elizabeth, Rebecca and I drove the 19 hour drive to Minneapolis, Minnesota on Thursday for the wedding and came back on Sunday. It was a fast, fun trip. Wish it could have lasted longer. Not my first time to Minnesota, but my longest time spent there. Some day, I want to live in Minnesota. If at least for a short while. I want to reside in Minnehaha, Minnesota. I mean, really. When asked where you live, you could respond with, "MinneHAHA! minnesota." then if the questioner wanted more details and asked, "yes, but which city?" you could again reply, MinneHAHA!" depending on how well you could use your voice to place the infliction on the "haha" portion, you could really throw them off. they would think you were amused by something right at the moment you were answering, and therefore they wouldn't realize you were actually telling them the answer. seriously. it would be rather amusing.

My younger sister Charity just turned 21 today. She also got engaged! I am thrilled and overjoyed for her. but a bit sad. I have not seen her at all this year, and every day keeps adding to the longest time we have ever been apart. we won't share a single moment together in 2007. crazy how these things work.

it seems to help me learn what it would be like if I were to go back on the mission field for a longer period of time. being home is nothing like I imagined, and my life does not seem to be here anymore. for the moment, I shall remain and keep paying off the hospital debt. but my heart is once again flying away. there are reasons, I suppose, why I was always so drawn towards things such as Hotel Rwanda, the ONE campaign, Invisible Children, and Inernational Justice Mission. that's the way God has formatted me, and I can't change that. no, not even my selfish desires for comfort and ease could ever change what God hath wrought in me. and I don't want it to, either. however hard it was to be in Brazil without and friends or family, I learned more there and grew more than I may ever have in my time in the states. I also saw God work in ways I always dreamed of, and I saw his heart in me and my coworkers. yes, it was good.

the one big roadblock remains.........with all my heart, I don't want to do it alone. either get married or go somewhere with Jes. She's thinking of a new country other than Indonesia, and oddly enough- I was thinking of the exact same one! but in all honesty. doing work like that is very, very difficult alone. my plea to God is to send me a like-minded mate. Miracles happen still, don't they? yes, they do. my brother is proof. Cas and Jake are proof. Luke Goodrich for Sarah is proof. ABBA ministries is proof. life is proof. so there's hope yet, Suasna!!!


next time, I'm going to don my aviators, and the first person I catch looking at me, I'm going to say in a smug sort of way with a toss of my hand- "oh, I'm a moviestar." that just explains it all, doncha know?

tea and rain

this week has been such a stay home, drink tea and get cozy sort of week. ohh, I love it! if only autumn didn't bring snow........next week, Minneapolis for Cas and Jake's wedding! I cannot believe it is finally happening! I am so incredibly happy for them both.

in other news......Charity says she and her boyfriend will be moving back to Utah. a dream come true? you better believe it!!!

middle ground?

how do you reconcile concerts, starbucks, hundreds of cds, DVDs, and the like with things such as poverty, injustice, starvation, AIDS? it seems there should be some sort of middle ground. somewhere you can be a christian who lives in this world, but is not of it. it seems you could live a passionate, christ-like life yet still be able to relate to the lost and the broken.

I can't find that place. or it feels like I cannot. it looks like I am always at one extreme or the other. do I never center myself in the middle? either I am passionate and gung-ho for Jesus and doing everything for him, or I feel jaded and angry and very self-centered. perhaps I am being too harsh. but I still find myself either wanting to live like zealot, on poverty and allowing nothing for yourself. or just doing whatever you want and only "getting by" spiritually. neither one seems to work. what's my problem?

when I read the scripture, it sure sounds like Jesus wants us to be gung-ho. but my vision of that seems more extreme than most. however, most of the time the christian church seems so apathetic, caught up in the druggery or life. I never wanted that, yet it seems I can't escape it. I had so many ideals, so many plans. but everyone who ever shared them is gone now. and I'm left feeling so worldy. so cynical. so......listless. passionless. this isn't the Susanna who used to be, and I don't like it. but everything seems to stifle and disappoint. yes, Jesus IS my all in all. but what if I don't see Jesus anywhere?

is that my problem? is it something wrong with me? I wanted to see him so much, I AM passionate!! but it was always smoothed over. nicely put in a corner where it wasn't heard. where it could be ignored.

I just don't know anymore. I want Jesus. I want his beauty, his glory, his majesty. I DO want to see miracles, people changed. I want to see hearts of fire, and unity. but I don't want this crap. and I don't know what to do.

well, well, well

it has been too long. far too long. what to say? went to Brazil and am now back. went to Pennsylvania, New York, Washington DC, Ontario Canada, Maryland, and Virginia. Travel, travel, travel. But now I am in Utah for a bit, working and the like. It is now fall. And I love it. Yes, I do dread winter. But autumn is simply fantastic.

I do miss my friend Jes La Bleu, who left for the Philippines on a two-year midwifery trip. But most of my family is here, and being with them is good. So good.

That's enough of a quickie for now. I will for surely positively update more eventually. Why, even before the year is out, I bet!

I leave you with me. Chillin with Jesus.