here vs. there

Jesse Ambrose says I should say this:

"So, I might potentially be visiting England in a few months. Should I just drop the visiting part, and make it a stay?"

lol. he's a hoot.

:: a moment like this ::

I's hardcore.




haha. every time Michael tries to get a picture, I leap into view with the cheesiest look on my face. I think it's starting to frustrate him, but I find hilarity in it every time. so I shall continue.




a lovely tree.


I pulled this off a friend's brother's friend's blog. I thought it was funny. And no, I'm not incredibly bored.....just waiting for something.....

Some advice from the wee ones

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7


The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a few of us at the Living Traditions Festival earlier this month. we had just finished an Irish "Sing a Long". it was fabulous.

a very memorable memorial weekend.

Cassie, Jake, Michael and I went hiking up Ben Lomond over the weekend. We meant to stay over two nights, but got rained out. I have never been on a more cold and wet camping trip in my life. But the hike down in the rain was so worth it-green, wonderful aroma, and so fresh. it turns out my friend Daniel Miller, and his dad Carl, hiked right by us (Cassie saw them when she was getting ready to go pee outside. :) ) and they saw us camping there, and then found one of our water bottle Cas had dropped, and left it for us on Michael's truck. I'm pretty sure Utah is too small for me- I keep running into people I know, everywhere I go. It's like a small town. Except just, small state. Meh.

Jake and I like string cheese. a lot.


she looks so cute!



cooking.




*******

I feel jaded. and frustrated. and I really want to be alone for a good long time. I'm pretty sure I need more of Jesus.

que legal!

Say "NO" to people.

I've learned much better over the years when to say "no". when to take time away, have some solitude. I know more of when my soul is overdone in the social and media world. what I love so much about school is the ability to enjoy peace. to walk in silence. smell the pine trees. hear the birds, the jack hammers. breath in deeply of fresh, summer air.

when I don't take the time out to just be, my insides become tense. I'm on edge, I don't think clearly, and I definitely get irritated more quickly with people. when I DO take time out, to be alone, I find that when I re-enter social activity, I'm much better at seeing people with grace. better at listening. better at loving. it's a good process, if allowed to come full circle.

it's encouraging to reflect on habits, disciplines, and my soul, and find a bit of wisdom and maturity seeping in. there is hope for us all!

last week, Jake, Cas, Jacob, and I went to a roller derby competition in which some of Cassie's friends were competing. I had been unaware that such a thing even existed. at first, I was seriously doubtful about it all. but it ended up being fairly interesting, and the half-time entertainment rocked. kids on roller skates, dancing and break dancing. awesome. then we went over to Jacob and Monira's new house to help Jacob put together their new Ikea chairs and footstools. when we arrived, Cas and Jake wanted to look around, and that brought us outside. to my complete joy, we found the yard bursting with colours and fragrance. I'm so accustomed to the desert of Stockton, that vast abundances of flowers are more satisfying than a good plate of coconut korma. well, ok. maybe not. but close. anyway.....in my bare feet, I skipped over to a lilac bush, begging Jacob to allow me to pick some. he complied, so I enthusiastically picked a lovely arrangement. Jake Ulasich, semi-laughing, said that if I was born in the 60's, I would have been a hippie.

well. duh.

Jake and Jacob putting together Jacob and Monira's new chairs from Ikea.


the lovely lilacs.

pretty sure I'm just content to glory innocently like a child, in the beauty I find all around me.

and in all things

just enjoying my time here with Jake and Cassie. and the sun, and fresh fruit. and ultimate frisbee with retro headbands. enjoying good relationships, people who love me. enjoying the awe I feel in God's working in life, in our hearts. not exactly looking forward to classes over the summer, and needing to get a job soon to pay rent. but trusting in God's provision as always.

I'm also going over a lot of things in my mind. sometimes I think I get to a place where I'm "past that", but then the same feelings, struggles, or issues come up and I realize it's more of an on-going problem. like, why do I get so down on myself about certain things, when those things are the things I'm actually attempting to avoid? I also understand, however, that because these struggles have become an area where the devil knows I am susceptible, he can get me in it. and without dear friends like Hatley and Cassie and Rebecca, who help me walk through it, I probably would let satan have more of a stronghold. instead, I choose to take every thought captive and submit it to God. praise Him for His faithfulness and power in our lives!


our group

Grand Canyon Day 4

view from the Clear Creek campground.


a bruise. acquired in a very unexciting, shuttle bus way. yes. i bruised my leg on the seat of a shuttle bus. before we even began hiking. how lame.

this day we planned to get up at a reasonable hour, and go for a day hike to find some water coming forth from the rocks. we found it last time we came to Clear Creek, and it was basically the highlight of my dad's and Daniel's trip. so we set off, me taking pics along the way, daniel slipping in the streams, and david just enjoying himself.

we named this one "Jesse Falls". After our friend, Jesse Falls. ha, HA!



I kissed a frog. and it felt good.

we went pretty far, even up and behind a waterfall, but eventually I was getting tired, it was getting late, and we needed to hike out a few miles that night. so david and I sat to rest, while daniel went on a bit further to seek out the fountain of youth. er, water bursting forth from the rocks?

the waterfall we climbed behind. I don't remember if we named this one?

while sitting and waiting, I imagined all sorts of scenarios where daniel got lost, hurt, or injured. and no one knew where we were. reminded me of that time in Parati, Rio de Janeiro, with Jake, Elizabeth, and Cassie. ha. those Moore's. always getting into dangerous situations. ahem. I digress.

I also thought there was an animal in a tiny cave nearby, but turns out it was nothing. then we heard daniel returning, and we climbed atop a huge boulder to hide and scare him. he was terrified. and had found the agua! success.

the rock from whence the water came.

folk will never die.


no cheese, at all.


the burninator. a story in itself!

we returned to camp, where we proceeded to enjoy the most tasty meal of rice a roni, EVER. it was cheese and broccoli, and I loved it. then we packed up and headed out. the trail on the way out was one I was fearing the entire time. but the actual steepness of it was fine, I was surprised at how quickly it was over. the height and smallness of the trail terrified me, however. and I was very nervous that david would take a fall. but we made it.

this trail. terrifying.

once out, we proceeded to rid ourselves of our excess food weight- lots of instant oatmeal and some gatoraid powder. then we found ourselves a good spot to bivvy up on the tonto, and tried to sleep. It rained a bit in the night, which had me worried. but it was only a bit, and we finally got some sleep.


the depletion of our fare.


view from the plateau above Clear Creek.

it's life, Jim. but not as we know it.

sometimes, certain things or memories pop up in my mind, and I selfishly desire my life and my family to be back to the way it was. before everyone was taken out or away from me. but when I get over my nostalgia, my resistance to changed relationships, my hurt feelings, my loneliness- whatever it was that struck me in that moment, I often bring myself into contemplation of what God has done through me, to me, and with me- throughout the difficulties of changes.

I'm so amazed at the things I'm able to do, to strive for, to plan, to stand up to. but none of it would have happened sans God, or with the crutch of siblings. He truly knows what He's doing, when he takes certain things from us. "He gives and takes away// He gives and takes away// my heart will learn to say, Lord blessed be Your name" -c.t. that song is oft crushingly bittersweet to me, yet remains the constant reminder to me that He alone truly IS my all in all. and that is the sweetest thing, the most astounding truth my mind can seem to grasp. that God IS all I need. He IS my provision. without a job, constant moving from one place to the next- never my own home, but always staying momentarily in other's homes. a constant ebb and flow of attempting to achieve, but never seeing the results.

all this tends to sound like self-pity. well it's not. it's one of those other reminders, that as rough as it may be for me, Christ also went though it. "birds have nests, and foxes have dens" but the Son of God was a homeless man.

I love that my Jesus experienced any trial or difficulty that i shall ever encounter.
I love that God keeps me in a constant state of refining fire, always reminding me the need to be purified.
I love that I feel so out of place, no matter which group of people I commune with, because it reminds me I actually do not belong.
I love that since I chose to re-offer my heart and soul to Jesus, my passion and purpose has been re-ignited in ways unthinkable.
I love that God has provided relationships that bless me and encourage my heart, but that He's also provided relationships where i am able to speak into other's lives, and love them, as well.
I love that through practically every experience I have in life, humanity is constantly in my face, teaching me lessons of pride, humility, selfishness, compassion, faith, love, joy, patience- essentially, I learn of my own selfish desires, while at the same time, learning to be filled with the compassion, grace and mercy that Christ has given me.
I love that He's shaping my dreams, my goals, my plans- that He is the center of them all.
I love that He's enabling them to come true!
I love that when my heart becomes sad or hurt, I've learned to give my thoughts and mind back to God and allow His purposes to be more eminent and real.
I love that I am content and joyous in life, rather than feeling overwhelmed by hopelessness and wanting it al to just quickly end.
most of all, I simply love Jesus. in ways that words truly cannot express. So......

"listen to our hearts. hear our spirits sing. listen to the songs of praise that flow, from those you have redeemed. we can use the words we know, to tell you what an awesome God you are. but words are not enough, to tell you of our love, so listen to our hearts."

:: bless the Lord, O my soul. and all, that is within me bless His holy, name ::

Grand Canyon Day 3

We woke up sore, on top on the tonto. It wasn't too early, but around 6:30. I could barely move. I was already popping the ibuprofen fast and furious. We headed out, towards Clear Creek campground. It was around six more miles, but it felt like it took forever.

Once we arrived, Daniel and I weren't in any mood to go on another long hike that day, we we relaxed in the little pool of water we had made five years ago. It's smaller than it used to be, but at least it still existed. The we had enough energy to head upstream a bit. We soon found a small, little waterfall that we had previously named "Charity Falls". Any ideas as to why it was dubbed thus?


Charity Falls


Daniel was eaten by the falls. I think it got mad at us or something.


enjoying the sun and the wetness of water.

The rest of the day we napped, played games, at Couscous with Pepperroni and string cheese, and just rested. David could easily have done more, but Daniel and I were plain tuckered out.


playing Mennonite Madness


We even tasted some cactus; it wasn't too bad.


doctoring his blisters


getting out of control

We ended the day by eating as many snacks as possible, trying to lessen the weight of our packs. Then we went to sleep under the stars.

Grand Canyon Day 2

After briefly stopping in Page, Arizona, we drove on to the Grand Canyon National Park. Once there, we found our campsite and set up my brand new tent. It was really cold, so we decided to sleep in the tent at least that night on the rim. But we wouldn't take the tent into the Canyon. Fro weight purposes. We supped in the only restaurant available, since we chose not to pack food for dinner that night. (Don't ever get the catfish or the creamed spinach. not so bueno!)

Wednesday, March 29th
getting a nice, early start that day was key.....well, compared to prior years, it felt early. ;)


David and i were laughing, because the weight of my pack (about 45 lbs.) nearly pulled me over backwards.

then we took before pictures:


We proceeded down the South Kaibab trial, a steep, but shorter trail that the Bright Angel trail. The South Kaibab trail was about 7.3 miles from top to the bottom, Phantom Ranch.

A few shots while progressing downward.




still pretty chipper, despite the strenuous activity. :)


taking a short break...



we made it down to the river, and took a break to cool off. my legs were officially shot at this point, from the constant downhill trekking.





then we went over the Phantom Ranch, where we enjoyed a beer (not David!) and some games inside the Canteen. We were kicked out when they were making dinner. Which just so happened to be a $40 steak dinner. We ate Pasta Roni outside on a picnic table, our mouths watering at the smell of the delicious, dead cow.

We proceeded to pack back up, and head towards Clear Creek for a few miles. We needed to get at least a couple more in before we divvied up on the tonto.

the last few pictures I took this day were of this lovely yellow.....flower/plant. huge bumblebees were enjoying it, and we had a short little discussion on my bee sting allergies and our lack of adequate bee sting treatment. we were only about half a mile in, so we quickly continued on. it grew dark, and about 2.3 miles into the hike we found a spot large enough for three people to sleep. we snacked for a bit and conversed, and I called my dad to inform him of our divvying on the tonto, and that I had cell phone reception. the sky was huge and beautiful with stars, and we fell asleep tired, sore, but content.

in my spare time....

while you wait for an update of the Grand trip to the Canyon, here's a taste of my "vacation" or, unemployment life. some seem to think it's a slow time. I seem to think, it became more busy. You take your pick.


To-Do List For The Week Of May 3rd-9th:

• Contact Pastor Steve
Call Karen Brownell
• Order headbands for Frisbee
• Update “Coffeeshop Honesty script and email it
Work on Oasis letter
• Apply for 2 jobs
• Check unemployment status
Get out of GCU
Set up an appointment with U advisor
Buy textbooks for summer classes
Sell back old textbooks
• Call Shana
Call Julia
Find out about mother’s day plans
Start on Compassions plans/proposal/vision statement/goals
• Connect with Monique from CareCompany in DC
Tattoo touch-up (Monday?)
Hang out with Lea (Thursday?)
Update blog
Get twoshirts.org vision statement started
• (ask Jason for the Cards)
Meet with Josh Craner about apartment (Thursday 5 PM)
• Pay credit cards
Send out facebook invites for Young Adults activities for this week (frisbee, dance class, improv night)
• Contact Compassions at South Mountain for booklet
• Contact Jason at K2 for pdf file
• Connect with Trista to encourage her to come to YA
Hotel reservations for YA Hillsong trip to Cali
Call Heidi for her thoughts on twoshirts.org
• Set up a meeting time (next week?) with Kim Lotz
Buy replacement lids for nalgene bottles
Scan “telephone pictionary” drawings, and post on facebook

kind motorist

i met a kind motorist late last night. while driving past Kanab, Utah, this certain approaching motorist took what felt like FOREVER to turn his high beams off. then, he flashed them at me. "what's his problem?? I turned mine off WAY before he turned his off!!" thought i. then to realize, he was just warning me of the Ring Twoish hoards of deer, meandering by the side of the road. "what a decent fellow" thinketh I. "good luck to him, because I've just passed an equally appaling amount of deer, boldy enjoying the highway's edges.

back from the Grand Canyon. no sleep last night, mostly driving. currently performing my all-inclusive toenail surgery, which always follows the trip. I do believe, I shall be losing at least four this time, if not near eight!!

The Beginning: Day 1.


we stopped in Page, Arizona, so I could show them the Horseshoe spectacle.



the boys, checking out the view.



about to be blown off the cliff.

so done

the Jazz are done. I'm considering crying, just to get it out of my system. but I'm in the middle of an intelligent debate about the Lakers, Kobe, and the Jazz with a Lakers fan, over another friend's facebook status. hm. maybe I'll wait till I'm done being intelligent and illogical, before I give way to emotion.

yeah, I know. none of you understand my passion and dedication. I don't expect you to. it's odd. and I'm weird. but it's a part of me. so let me have it. people are ok with passionate and dedicated football fans. so I can have my jazz. and eventually eat it, too.

verdade

honestly?

all I want is to fall madly in love with someone who cherishes me above all others. and have a delightful love story together. and serve Jesus together, for all of our time on earth.

is that so much to ask?

and why does it seem like everyone else in my life make that simple desire so complicated and difficult?

and,

it's not fair.

but I know God never promised it TO be fair.

even so. being left out and left behind still does not seem fair.

and that's hard.

but something I'm constantly giving back to God, and letting Him control.

and that's hard, too.

:: change this something normal, into something beautiful :: joc

this strawberry tastes amazing! part 2.

then again, there are way too many areas where I feel the Christian community has become bound by legalism, by putting God into a box simply so we can call one thing black and the other white, so we can understand it and feel safe.

and I hate this so, so much.

too often we focus on rules, and what's "bad" and what's "good" and create a safety net around ourselves, in order to keep the world away. not even to stay in the nonconforming state, but we push the world and those associating with the world away.

seriously. consider this. some Christians condemn others who frequent bars in order to establish relationships with the lost, and to share the hope of Jesus with them. yes, obviously it would be stupid for someone like me (24 year old, blond hair blue eyed single white female) to do this. as would it be for someone who had alcohol addiction problems. but in the sense that a strongly planted man of God, then why the issue? Jesus set the example by hanging out with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and those with leprosy. who's the equivalent in our society? well let's think...prostitutes, of course. maybe the homeless? or how about former sex offenders? perhaps even the gay community?

instead, we find our churches sanctuaries of people who spend endless amounts of time with each other, learning how to reach the world, while at the same time, getting offended by gay rights, Christians who swear, get tattoos, and go to bars.

rather than condemn that which you cannot understand.....maybe we need to build a relationship with the person we cannot accept fully. maybe we need to learn to understand their heart- and love the person Jesus died for.

yes. sin is sin. but not everything is black and white, is it? honestly, is it? and how can a person know that Jesus loved them and died for them, when all we ever do is judge the externals?

:: love wins ::


essentially what it comes down to is I feel caught between the extremes, some people on one end and others on the other. and I know naught where I stand, in many aspects. there's ultimate truth and God's law and His standards. but there's also grace and forgiveness and redemption and mercy. trying to mesh it all together is often a mind-boggling and confusing thing for me to do, especially when I get such opposing views. and please.....if you're going to comment, don't tell me what to do. and if you don't fully understand what I'm saying, ask questions before stating your opinion. It gets wearying, having people jump to conclusions or assume they understand exactly why my thoughts are what they are.

...:: truth ::...

My God loves me.
He told me so last night.
in my unpredictable emotional state, after a fantastic day of joy and excitement,
I wound up sitting in my car back at home
crying yet again. the bitter, constant tears.
angry at myself that these questions affect me so deeply.
that they are always, always nagging at my heart.
the song played for the millionth time: "trust in the Lord, with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight."
the truth and comfort surrounding, pushing back at the lies that always rise.
and this time as my eyes lifted, like usual, to the starry sky above
my eyes seeking solace in the glory and majesty of He who made even me.
the tears of pity, heartache, and pain
ceased.
my heart marveled at the astounding beauty.
my heart asked simply for a star.
my resolve, in a moment, was to trade the mourning for oil of gladness,
to wear a garment of praise, rather than a spirit of despair.
in that one simple moment, my Lord my God spoke-
and not one, but two brightly shining stars fell from the sky.
My God loves me.
He told me so last night.

"You are my portion, O Lord;
I have promised to obey your
words." Psalm 119:57


Boy (Lesson One)

Lesson one, do not hide.
Lesson two, there are right ways to fight
and if you have questions we can talk through the night

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
it's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
you get there in time

Lesson three, you're not alone
But since I saw you start breathing on your own
You can leave, you can run
But this will still be your home

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, get there in time

In time, to wonder where the days have gone
In time, to be old enough to wish that you were young
When good things are unraveling, bad things come undone
If you ever love or loose your innocence

There will be liars and thieves who take from you
Not to undermine the consequence, but you are not what you do
And when you need it most I have a 100 reasons why I love you

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time

So you know who you are and you know what you want
I've been where you're going, and it's not that far
It's too far to walk, but you don't have to run
You get there in time, you get there in time

If you ever love or lose your innocence,
just remember....
Lesson one....

Jars of Clay

this strawberry tastes amazing!

a few weeks ago, I witnessed an interesting moment on facebook. I saw a picture of an adult female youth leader, and she was dressed in a revealing and not so modest dress. another friend, I think either a youth leader and/or former student, made a comment on her picture, and asked why it was ok for her to dress that way, yet constantly instruct the female students to dress modestly.

a pause occurred in my day. I stopped to think. why does this occur? it wasn't the first time I'd witnessed it. I've seen myself do this sort of thing, as well as many other people.

maybe I should elaborate. too often it feels like when "leading" youth, or volunteering in a position of authority over students, we as "adults" instruct them to live in a holy lifestyle, which in many aspects, we have ceased to live out ourselves. Now I do realize there is some sort of fine line. definitely, some things, such as certain books or films might include content which younger people may not be ready to deal with yet. there are some things that truly require a more mature audience.

that said, it still doesn't necessarily apply to aspects of life such as modesty, purity, cleanness of speech. it's as if we say to these students, "don't do this stuff now. don't speak this way or dress this way at this point in your life. but once you're older, it's not wrong anymore." or in the case of the woman wearing a very revealing dress- she's married. and it's as though we say, "you have to be modest and pure until you get married. then it doesn't matter anymore. dress the way you want. use unclean speech like the rest of the world. watch any movie you've ever wanted to, because now you're an adult and not only can you handle it, but the code of conduct doesn't apply anymore. not to adults"

yes, I realize none of us (in leadership roles or just in life in general) have ever consciously thought this way. I most certainly have not. but be honest: how else do we explain this forsaking of holiness, which we drill into students over and over. why are we allowed to change our standards of holiness, purity, modesty, speech, etc, as we get older? is it truly because we're more mature and can handle it? is it really because we've realized the standards were simply legalistic and they don't matter to Christ like we used to think? or has something else happened: have we drifted away from" keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (James 1:27b)

let's be honest. are we truly becoming more like Christ in our speech, habits, time spending, money spending, thoughts, standards of dress, and what we allow into our vision and minds? or are we conforming to the world, fooled into thinking we're just growing up and cutting loose the chains of legalism?

these are the questions I'm deeply confronting. and through it all, for years in fact, I've wondered how exactly does Philippians 4:8 fit into my ever evolving, changing, and "maturing" standards. or does it not, and am I just becoming like the world, and not like my Jesus?

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

comments

so I hear from a few reliable sources that they cannot post on my blog. I know I changed the settings a while back, so I'm guessing that has something to do with it. (I did change the layout as well, but my IT background allows me to assess it properly, thus enabling me to determine it is the cause of the changed settings, not the layout.)

So. I changed some commenting settings, and think you should all attempt to comment. To see if I've found the bug.

Since we're on the subject: when I used my former work computer to try and post comments on many of your sites, I was unable to with said PC. Therefore, I was forced to wait until i got home to my MAC and freely comment away on everyone's blogs. Perhaps the real issue here is not entirely the matter of comment settings, but rather, the truly unfortunate one of PC (Piece of Crap) versus Mac. (My Admirable Computer.)

:: yesterday was the day of Proverbs 3:5-6. It was everywhere, and everyone was either quoting it or talking about it. I'm not sure what it means, but.............this means something! ::





Why these verses?

Proverbs 3:5-6

It has been my “saving” verse the past ten years. There is a Vineyard "Live From Australia" CD I listened to a lot when I was 15-17. When the lead vocalist was singing, she transitions into singing out that verse. It helped me get through many struggles, like when I was depressed living in Stockton, I would listen to it over and over and over again. The last two years, I've meditated on it constantly through the day, when I'm struggling with so many issues. So basically that verse is like my lifeblood. Any time I’m battling the lies the devil wants me to believe, I often just quote it over and over in my head, combating him with the Truth.

Jeremiah 29:11

Similar idea, but more of a reminder that God DOES have plans for me. My whole life I've struggled with the idea of me being worth anything, and I also had this mentality that my life would go nowhere, that I would be stuck forever in life in ways that I didn't want. I lived in the belief that my future was bleak and that I'd remain unloved, and never do anything with my life or myself. Jeremiah 29:11-13 is the total opposite of my natural thought process, and an important reminder to me, a rebuking of the lies I had lived in belief of for years.

Colossians 3:23

Reminds me that no matter how much I dislike aspects of my job, or whatever I'm doing, it's ALWAYS for God, never for man. Sometimes my mentality at work, or in other distasteful situations, I become prideful or have a bad attitude about whom I am working for and why they don’t deserve for me to keep doing my best. In those situations, or in other ones where people can't see what I'm doing, I need to remember that I should still do my best because my motivation is for God. I am naturally a perfectionist, who desires to give my best no matter what, but when I take issue with people or I become prideful for whatever reason, I tend to feel that they don’t deserve it anymore. So I need the reminder that I’m not even working for them in the first place, that it’s for God.

I tend to write my favourite verses on sticky notes, or on pieces of paper, and stick them places to remind me so I can focus on the truth and meditate on it. But last October I began thinking of getting them tattooed on me, partially to take the place of that and be with me everywhere. But also, I thought, “how cool would it be to have these references on me, so when people see them and ask what they mean? Then I can not only quote the truth to people, but in a sense, give them a testimony to what God’s done in my life, and how He’s used these verses in my life?”

I’ve thought about it since October, and made the appointment in February or March. I know a lot of people, including most of my family, are opposed to tattoos. That’s fine for them, but since I don’t see anything ungodly about them, myself, I finally just decided to go through with it. It was a very spiritual decision, (that sounds realllllly cheesy. I think I mean it was more of like a very personal commitment between myself and God.) and one I do not take lightly.

And that. Is the honest truth.

the beginning of something new

at the end of last year, I posted that my life was rushing ahead and eventually going to collide in a whirl of events that I could not stop. (well, ok. I didn't word it quite that dramatically. but still.) and now it's beginning to truly happen.

April 16th, 2009. Susanna is laid off from Conestoga Wood Specialties.

May 3rd. School at Grand Canyon University ends for the year.

Mayish. Hopefully Susanna transfers to the U, thus starting her last trek of education. Three ( I think) more semesters to go.)

June 12th. Susanna (Hopefully still!) moves into Josh's downtown apartment.

August 11th. Jes La Bleu returns to Utah after two years away!!!

Wow. The job hunt begins.
Truly trusting in God's provision, rather than a full time job ensues.
Finally, a real college student??
Community can start NOW.

I'm rather excited. It's all new and foreign. I told Micah on Sunday, "I wish I had been laid off!" Then on Monday, struggling to push through an endless day of sanding doors, I meditate on Proverbs 3:5-6, my life verse.
Today, the news at work was that we're not doing so good, and we have too much labor.
I decide I need to just get laid off, go to the U and save tuition costs of GCU, and find a part time job. (and trust God with my future. and get out of Tooele. and move forward.)
Honestly. I've lived too often in the shadow of what I think is expected of me. of job security. of whatever it is that capitalistic america does and is. I'm ready to actually take a step of faith, of action, and move forward with my dreams. I DO have dreams now. I DO have goals. and I'm certain they are rooted firmly in Christ. therefore, as the Bible says, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness. Then all these things shall be added unto thee." right? of course........

well whatever happens. I'm also very sure that God is behind it all. and even if I get laid off, I have a community of family who is supporting me and loving me every step of the way. I have three homes away from home, and even if I can't afford to live on my own after this happening, they are there for me! What a sweet thing, the relationships God has blessed me with!

ps. I feel such freedom from getting laid off, it's not even real.

the promise

:: yesterday, beautiful spring
blue skies
bright puffy clouds
cheerful sounds of birds
but the drive home
marred and blurred
bitter tears did fall
as once again, the heart begged the question: why?
why so hard?
why such a constant battle?
if the desire is there, why not met?
an answer did not come
but a new day did
and with that new day,
there also came
a simple reminder
that same little promise
that has carried the heart thus far:

"trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6-

O, that thine heart might rejoice and take faith in this glorious truth! ::

sm 4-14-09