Cancer-Free!

I'm cancer free. they got it all. Praise God whom has healed me

baby? twins?? triplets???

Luke and Sarah Goodrich are eexpecting a baby. I am praying for twin girls. charity's praying for triplets. haha. are we mean?

oh, right. so chass is here. she came home with the fam and surprised me. boy, was I ever surprised! she's here for a week! hurrah!!!!

skin cancer

well.....it's worse. not deadly, but worse. they had originally said it was less than a millimeter deep, now it's 1.4. so they have to go back in and take more out, a centimeter's worth on all sides, about an inch deep. then they will check my lymph nodes to see if it spread to there. he said I have a 9/10 chance of it not being in my lymph nodes. we'll see. so far they say we've caught it in time, but, what if I end up being that 10th person? if it's in my lymph nodes, can I die from it? I'm not sure. I think I need to find out more.

I'm not exactly scared. or angry. sometimes frustrated. sometimes, "God, I don't want this. take it away." other times, "I would have insurance if I didn't work part time and I work part time cause of doing youth ministry." I guess that stems from everyone telling me not to blame myself. so who do I blame? my mind wants to blame someone. I know cancer just comes from the fall, our own sin. but it's hard to not have an actual, living culprit to blame.

this might change my plans. which is ok, I am completely used to having my plans go very differently than......planned. but, I thought they were nailed down by God. and I want change. I might explode if this makes me stay in utah for a lot longer......oh God, more patience please!!!!

I haven't told very many people at all. only about 4 people at work know. most of our church leaders. maybe 11 people in Ltitz, PA. a few friends and relatives in NY. 1 in Michigan. one in Colombia. . jes. family. a few youth. but not all the people I know from other churches, or the people in tooele county I know. there's so many people i could tell, but. i don't want to. I don't like a big deal made about me. I don't want to explain more than I already have to. i don't like the pity. but at the same time, i sometimes feel sorry for myself. I squelch that as soon as possible, but occasionally I want other's sympathy. then I don't. oh, what a female I am! don't tell my brothers and their friends. they get in enough jabs as it is....

I don't want this in my life. I just need to keep trusting God. but I feel so selfish: Britney lost an arm to cancer, Rico lost half a leg too a motorcycle accident. and here I am crying about a little cancer in my arm? but see, even writing that makes me cringe! cancer? in my arm?? I'm not even 22 and I have cancer?? sigh. it's beyond me.