Cancer-Free!

I'm cancer free. they got it all. Praise God whom has healed me

baby? twins?? triplets???

Luke and Sarah Goodrich are eexpecting a baby. I am praying for twin girls. charity's praying for triplets. haha. are we mean?

oh, right. so chass is here. she came home with the fam and surprised me. boy, was I ever surprised! she's here for a week! hurrah!!!!

skin cancer

well.....it's worse. not deadly, but worse. they had originally said it was less than a millimeter deep, now it's 1.4. so they have to go back in and take more out, a centimeter's worth on all sides, about an inch deep. then they will check my lymph nodes to see if it spread to there. he said I have a 9/10 chance of it not being in my lymph nodes. we'll see. so far they say we've caught it in time, but, what if I end up being that 10th person? if it's in my lymph nodes, can I die from it? I'm not sure. I think I need to find out more.

I'm not exactly scared. or angry. sometimes frustrated. sometimes, "God, I don't want this. take it away." other times, "I would have insurance if I didn't work part time and I work part time cause of doing youth ministry." I guess that stems from everyone telling me not to blame myself. so who do I blame? my mind wants to blame someone. I know cancer just comes from the fall, our own sin. but it's hard to not have an actual, living culprit to blame.

this might change my plans. which is ok, I am completely used to having my plans go very differently than......planned. but, I thought they were nailed down by God. and I want change. I might explode if this makes me stay in utah for a lot longer......oh God, more patience please!!!!

I haven't told very many people at all. only about 4 people at work know. most of our church leaders. maybe 11 people in Ltitz, PA. a few friends and relatives in NY. 1 in Michigan. one in Colombia. . jes. family. a few youth. but not all the people I know from other churches, or the people in tooele county I know. there's so many people i could tell, but. i don't want to. I don't like a big deal made about me. I don't want to explain more than I already have to. i don't like the pity. but at the same time, i sometimes feel sorry for myself. I squelch that as soon as possible, but occasionally I want other's sympathy. then I don't. oh, what a female I am! don't tell my brothers and their friends. they get in enough jabs as it is....

I don't want this in my life. I just need to keep trusting God. but I feel so selfish: Britney lost an arm to cancer, Rico lost half a leg too a motorcycle accident. and here I am crying about a little cancer in my arm? but see, even writing that makes me cringe! cancer? in my arm?? I'm not even 22 and I have cancer?? sigh. it's beyond me.

whoaaa. I have not posted on here forever. I think I use xanga a lot more, then myspace a bit. I like this one because I think only Jacob ever reads it. then maybe some people I don't know. I'm trying to make Jacob forget I have this site, so that when I want to post about things that happen that relate to church and other utah events, he won't read it. I want this to be my private site that no one ever reads. why'd I ever tell anyone the link to this? ;)

40x365

#5

Gordon Burton:

I punched him once. he made me mad. always loud, often annoying. he found us on myspace- friends again.

#4x365 Caleb:

Caleb is my brother, two years older than I. He's the best guy friend I've ever had, the one who's been so dependable and trustworthy that I now have faith that there ARE guys out there you can trust. Caleb is nearly always in a good mood, his humour cannot be shaken. Always able to find the funny side of things, he's the kind of brother you can't stay mad at. Though he hasn't gone to college like other guys his age, he's learned so much in other ways, I respect him a lot more than most of his peers. Caleb is the kind of person you're lucky to be friends with.

#3x365 Lily

I met Lily through church; her dad, Peter Hoods, played the guitar. We were very little so my memory is vague, but I like lily very much- we got on well because we were both quiet. She was the eldest and had a few younger sisters whom she took care of occasionally. Quite responsible for her age. She wore her hair long and wore dresses constantly; I always thought it strange but it didn't bother me. last I heard, her parents were divorced, but we lost contact with them years ago. I've tried to search for her but so far, no suck luck.

#2 jes:

I met Jessica La Bleu when I was young, but don't remember her until she went to the same AWANA I did. We'd greet each other with an enthusiastic "I know you!!!!!" every time we saw each other.

Currently jes is working in Indonesia (Borneo) as a teacher/everything else they need. I miss her more than anything- besides my family, jes is the most important person in my life. I recently told the girls in the Discipleship group I lead that jes has the kind of inner beauty that causes all other external beauty to pale in comparison-when jes is in a room and speaks, people listen. jes has the power of God glowing through her, and to all those tall, pretty, popular girls with the big lips who tried so hard to be cool and could sometimes make mediocre girls feel inferior at times: you have nothing on jes la bleu. she moves mountains while you're still looking for that perfect someone. jes, you truly are more amazing than my words can express. just know, you are the kind of woman Proverbs describes.

40x365

Some guy had this idea to post 40x365 What is that? well, you take your age and every day you post that many words about one person. So basically you post 365 blogs about 365 different people. I think I'll try it. I can't only do 21, though, so I'm changing the rules a bit. So I shall probably post more than that. And I'm sure I know that many people! so here goes my first attempt:

———————————————————————————————————————————--------------------------------

Anita:

I remember Anita from the time I was very small. She was my very first female best friend; the first person I remember having a sleepover with. We watched Ninja Turtles on a Saturday morning, and she had a waterbed. Anita, Jourdain and I were best friends for a few years, until she moved to Michigan. We stayed in contact, sending each other packages with cute little gifts, cards, and letters. A few years later, when Anita was in her teens, she got in a car accident with friends one wet night, and she was killed. That was the last I heard about Anita. I miss her. but I will never forget the best friend I had at the age of 5.

suasna

suasna
Originally uploaded by suasna.

oh how adorable

finally updated!

coming up with reasons or excuses for not updating this blog could come easy- likewise, so could reasons why I could easily have updated. maybe the real reason was that I got frustrated because I could not figure out how to change the links on my own- among other small technical difficulties. Jacob offererd to help me out, but I think I was just too stubborn to take him up on it- Susanna wants to figure it out by herself......


now I understand the linkage a bit better, so I think from now on there should be more posting on here.

my life has been very bland as of late. it's been almost......can I say it? deppressing? very mundane. I slept a LOT yesterday. I think it helped though. and i've asked good friends with good taste for book reccomendations, so I've had some reading material to help stimulate my creative side. I think I've just been bored with doing the same things, with the same people, over and over and nothing new or exciting happening. well, let me rephrase that- nothing new or exciting that I want happens to me. I've been relying on God, but at times I just cry out, "how much longer? how much more must I take?" sometimes I don't even want it. any of it. I want to go away and drop all my responsibilities, just quit. but I know that's not very responsible, and i can't live that way. so I shall continue on as patiently as I can.....trusting in God's wisdom, not mine.

myspace

ok, so everyone is talking about myspace. it's so popular right now, it's crazy. may I inform you though, I have had a myspace profile for over a year now, so I was on it when it was barely gettting popular. I'm really not trendy......

the weird thing is, all these youth worker sites keep talking about teens and myspace. like this one:

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2006-01-08-myspace-teens_x.htm

problem is, I'm not a teen! I'm 21! I'm not addicted to myspace, but I go on it often. it makes me feel strange to be a youth pastor, but at the same time, in the same catagory as my youth......

myspace has really helped me connect with old friends, and make new ones with youth pastors and youth from other churches. so it's staying with me, for now. yes, it has it's downfalls. but I see more pros than cons. I still feel weird, being in my position. but I guess it's a little better than the 30 somthing's youth pastors who use it. they must feel really strange!

seeker sensitive

Ok, so I'm not a big fan of the so called, "seeker friendly" church model. sure, I think we should always reach out to people, be loving, meet people, etc. but from what I've seen, I don't like how people use "seeker friendly". here is an article I read on http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/01/sense_sensitivi.html

check it out. (and jacob, I did post this same thing on xanga. sorry for the repeat)



January 06, 2006
Sense & Sensitivity: Why It’s Time to Abandon the Seeker-Sensitive Model
To its credit the seeker movement has made church leaders everywhere more sensitive to the presence of non-Christians in our congregations. But, as the epoch of the seeker-church continues to wane, what enduring lessons will we carry with us into the future? Curt Coffield, a worship leader at Shoreline Community Church in Monterey, California, and former worship leader at Willow Creek, notes that newcomers have changed. “People aren’t coming as much to be convinced of the relevance of Christianity as they are coming with a hunger for God.”
As the church moves further away from familiar cultural paradigms, the paradigms that gave rise to seeker-churches, we need to seriously rethink the assumptions behind “seeker-sensitive” ministry.
At my church we are resurrecting the ancient language of hospitality to understand our call to love unknown people in our post-Christian culture. In ages past, travelers in the harsh lands of the Middle East often depended upon the hospitality of strangers for survival. Their principle of hospitality was simple: host first, ask questions later. Hospitality was not dependent upon a guest’s identity—only their need.
When Abraham went out to greet three strangers (recorded in Genesis 18) he took this idea of Bedouin hospitality a step further. When the visitor is an ordinary person of equal rank, the host merely rises. But Abraham welcomes the strangers by bowing low to the ground, and he offers himself as their “servant” even though he was a very wealthy man with servants of his own.
Abraham asks no questions. He expects no payment. He places no conditions upon his hospitality. He merely welcomes these total strangers as honored guests worthy of his very best food, effort, and attention. Only later, after the strangers have eaten and rested, does Abraham engage in conversation and discover their true divine identity.
Throughout the Scriptures we find that God is concerned with the treatment of strangers. He commands his people to act fairly toward strangers (Exodus 22:21), to provide food for them (Leviticus 19:10), and to love them as one of their own (Leviticus 19:34). In the New Testament three apostles write repeatedly about the importance of hospitality (Rom 12:13; Heb 13:2; 1 Pet 4:9; 3 John 1:5; 1 Tim 2:3; Tit 1:8). But it is Jesus who lifts the importance of hospitality to a divine level.
“Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in…Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.” (Matthew 25:34-36, 40)
Christians in the monastic movement later codified the biblical ethic of hospitality as Benedictine Rule #53: “All guests who present themselves are to be welcomed as Christ, for he himself will say, ‘I was a stranger and you welcomed me.’”
The abbot of the monastery was expected to personally welcome guests and wash their feet. If the abbot was in a season of fasting, he would interrupt the fast to eat with the guest. Only after extending his warmest hospitality would the abbot engage in conversation with the stranger, learn their identity and story, and invite them to worship with the community.
These principles of Christian hospitality have been practiced since the time of Abraham, but in the modern age the church abandoned the traditional language of loving strangers in favor of a new dialect. We called it “seeker sensitivity.” The seeker church movement has taken the Bedouin and monastic idea of hospitality (host first, ask questions later) and reversed it. Now, thanks to the influence of business practices and marketing, the church tries to discover everything possible about its target guests, and then hosts according to their predetermined expectations. The result has been a radical shift in the way Christians worship and express their devotion to Christ, and a dehumanizing of Christian hospitality.
Where market research replaces the simple call to love strangers, the responsibility to be hospitable is no longer felt by individual members of the church—the music, sermon, and worship service have all been test-engineered to do the job instead. Market analysis has also shown that many people prefer to visit a church anonymously, so seeker-driven churches will often avoid identifying newcomers. Jesus may be among us in the form of a stranger, but we would never know it unless he filled out a response card.
In our changing cultural setting is anonymity still the right value for hospitality? Does sensitivity to non-Christians mean having to ignore Biblical rites, language, and church traditions? What does it mean in our day to honor strangers as Christ among us?
Some younger church leaders, myself included, believe that we need to abandon the seeker/believer dichotomy in the church and practice a “radical hospitality” instead. As another pastor notes:
A worshipping community which is radically hospitably to outsiders is appealing to a spiritually-minded generation who can readily spot “spin and marketing.”
This radical hospitality means a return to the Abrahamic and Bedouin principle of “host first, ask questions later.” Rather than trying to determine our target audience’s desires in advance, we should welcome strangers indiscriminately into our tent/monastry/church and honor them by authentically revealing who we are. As St. Chrysostom, the 4th century pastor, said, “Hospitality is not manifested in the richness of our fare, but in the generosity of our attitude.”
Posted by Skye Jethani on January 6, 2006 12:00 AM

oh man

ohhhh!! I just spilled almost a whole cup of grape juice on my carpet. i almost never spill anything at all, and now, of all things, grape juice. we don't even have stain remover or anything to clean stuff like that up. I'm also not feeling well. I'm getting sick again, and I'm really sick of constantly being sick. I wish everyone would quit getting sick and getting me sick. errr....i'm hungry but I don't want to make anything. oh man. I'm really grouchy right now. even my hot cocoa isn't making me feel better. I think this weekend was to long. so is this post. bleh.