men

I totally crashed a men only party tonight. on accident. my bad. but then I won at Settlers, with just a little help from Joel. overall, it wasn't even awkward. score.

new

cheerleader!


today Kate and I went to Jack Mormon Coffee. My friend Melissa McGibbon wrote an article in a Utah Sports Guide about coffee, and she mentioned Jack Mormon. I thought we should give it a try, so we walked on over and experienced a "new" coffee shop. It was good.

On the way back, we stopped at an outdoors store and I bought a belay device. Mine had disappeared over the years and I don't want to borrow anymore. Then we went next door to a local and quirky music store to look at violins. I wanted to get some pricing from people other than your typical guitar center. I'm probably going to borrow a friend's and take lessons from another friend. Kate might buy a cello and learn that, then we can trade off and learn the opposite.

I planted some seed paper today. I'm pretty excited, I got it from some classmates who used it in a PR pitch in class. Mine is herbs, so that should be cool.

I took Kate to the Jazz game last night. We baked a bunch of stuff last week.
our food stuff.

So...lots of new stuff. Going country swing dancing in my new cowboy boots tonight. First time with them, I'm hoping they work better than my shoes.

Cheers to new times.

my boots!

:: She Is ::

12-14-09

She is the one who lives what she speaks. Her example is a constant reminder, a flicker of hope that some do, indeed, live what they believe. She is love.

Her love plays out in small ways. Small, in the little things she might do everyday, such as bring a homeless woman home to shower and have dinner and a warm place to sleep. Small, like forgoing personal comfort in order to provide dance lessons for her daughter. Small, in the moment of putting down a good book to listen to her child pour out his troubles. But also in big ways, such as taking her entire family to the park to feed the homeless, picket against a cause she could not support, devote her entire life to serving her family.

She is Jesus. Her heart is large, her passion pure. Her love extends beyond the walls of her home, beyond the walls of the church, beyond the walls of her community and beyond the walls of her country. Her love encompasses her life and seeps into the lives of all types of people, from all walks of life and from all nations. She is Jesus. She is Jesus to them, she is Jesus to me. And she is my Mother.

Mom, your life is a constant example to me of Jesus’ heart. Although you seem to not see it and may never believe me, you alone are the purest, living example of Jesus I have ever encountered. Selfishness seems to be a foreign entity to you. You may be able to pick out certain areas where you are weak, where you don’t think you love. No, you’re not perfect. But where you lack, where you may fall, you also are humble and ready to change. To grow. To become more like Him. And in this, I see the heart of God.

I am who I am because of you. My biggest passions for serving the afflicted, the orphans, the broken and needy, the poor and the aliens: Mom, you put that in me. Because your heart is so deep in Christ’s heart, you passed those passions and compassion to me. I always remember reading books from the library that you checked out for me. Books about World War II, books about the pain and suffering people suffer all over the world. You gave me a big-picture view of life, of need, and of love. You live by example, risking comfort and safety to love like Jesus calls you to. People may laugh and scoff at your convictions, people may judge and raise eyebrows at your decisions, but your desire is to honor and serve your Lord. In this is purity and truth. And in this, I find strength and comfort.

Mom, your life is a testimony to me that Jesus is alive today. Your love is patient, your love is kind, your love is not self-seeking and your love covers a multitude of wrongs. Your love is real, Mom. Your love has helped guide me and push my passions, stubbornness, and faithfulness in the right direction- to Jesus, to truth, and to not compromising what I stand for.

Mom, I love you. You are beautiful. You shine like the stars, and I pray to God I might have even a small portion of your heart. Thank you for being you. Thank you for living Jesus.


Love,

Susanna

crazy dreams!

Last night I dreamt my professor Tim Larson died, so my final was cancelled. But then I was a ceremony of his casket at the University of Utah, and a picture frame fell on his body and he got up, and it wasn't him, it was a much larger man. The guy walked away and I was the only one still in the room to witness it. I was shocked, because Tim is a much smaller man, so I KNEW he wasn’t really dead. Just hidden somewhere. I went out to go talk to someone on the freeway, and parked my car in the middle median. I saw a police office stop to write me a ticket on a yellow sticky note, so I grabbed it off my car and followed him into a little café. He was sitting with four other officers, so I approached them all and said, “you are all on the police force, correct?” they responded with a “yes”, so I proceeded to tell them the situation with my professor, and that they needed to investigate. They did take me seriously, and seemed to know about the picture frame falling onto the body, but they didn’t seem to care as much as I did that it wasn’t the right shaped/sized body. They seemed to think I’d be excited that my final was canceled. Finally I gave up, thanked them and said goodbye and picked up my sticky note ticket. Halfway down the street I realized I left my purse inside the café, so I slipped back in quietly, picked it up and left. Then I went “home” where dad was on a balcony and I was below, looking at trees. I kept trying to tell him something was fishy, but he didn’t seem concerned, either.


And that, is what I dreamt.

newsflash

I think it's all fake. I don't think it's what God designed it to be. I think we've let ourselves become to ingrown, too comfortable with what the western version says it should be. there has to be more, there needs to be reality. I know it's out there, I see glimpses from other places. there is hope. but there is also still a bubble. a light, fluffy and self-indulged version of what Christ really died to bring.

and I don't think I can handle the facade anymore. it's bad enough to deal with my own selfishness, pride and hypocrisy. I don't want to be involved in a mass setting of it.

a message

my song is love

I can't

there's got to be medication for this.

good things

tehe

me??

looking into grad school at george mason and george washington. wow. barely a year ago did I even have a clue what I wanted to do. now life isn't big enough or long enough to fulfill my dreams.

status

I'm guessing a lot of people don't realize that many of my last status updates on facebook have been from 1 Corinthians 13. regarding love. because they keep trying to argue. and.....well, it's straight from the Bible. pretty clear. and truth. so it's rather amusing.

it's also a representation of what God's working in my heart. not that that matters, or anyone cares. or could even unpack that from my vagueness. but it is what it is.

is it worse to want to say something, but hold it in because of the fear of disapproval or offending someone? or is it worse to say something and be perfectly honest, but not caring about offending or garnering disapproval from others?

is this different than wanting to say it but choosing not to, because you DO care for other's opinions and value them over your own?

or, does it all depend solely on your heart's motivation? (i.e., saying something out of anger, or to prove you are right, or simply out of pride, or just because you think your opinions matter most?)

or is it better to remain transparent and honest with your feelings and opinions, despite the chance others will completely disagree?

hmm...

:: living to love leads to loving to live ::

I have never:

been more excited about life

felt more grace

been more humbled and broken

felt more in awe of the Creator

and loved His people and His creation more.

than I do now.

my nephew, Micaiah. The cutest baby boy, EVER>

joy

what I do know is He has blessed me. He put hot Zac and Yeanny into my path in the same day. How I've missed that group! And now I can see hope in other's futures. Oh, yes.

why? why why why? I don't understand it.

and perhaps I never will.

:: grace finds beauty in everything :: [but only if we allow it in]

man-made beauty.


Sometimes I honestly don't understand some people who continually choose to not show me grace. Or people who decide to hold grudges against people for the stupidest things, and it hurts them much more than anyone else. it's incredibly frustrating, and makes me not want to even be around them. maybe I'm on the defensive too much at this point, but after trying so hard it sometimes seems like people just want to judge you for everything.

Francis Chan spoke at the National Youth Workers Convention this weekend, and addressed this kind of thing. Not only did it help me realize that sometimes other people's opinions of you are crap and you just ought not to pay any attention, but to also evaluate your own position.

happily, I can say I've let go of most everything I used to hold against people. and I've been intentionally confronting any issues that arise between me and other members of the body, in order to keep peace as much as possible. there is still one person I can see I am not forgiving. and that hurts, and it scary and overwhelming. but it helps me to give others MORE grace, as I put it into perspective.

God's beauty.

I mean, others might look at my situation and think, "why don't you just get over it already?" it may be so simple and silly to them, and they may not understand why it's been so hard for me. at the same time, tho, if they care enough about me and are involved my life for real, they can see the progress I've made in so many other relationships. and they can show me grace by accepting that and being there for me through the other situation.

and when I look at my own situation, I can think, "well maybe it's as hard for them to show me grace as it might be for me to show it to someone else." essentially it's all relative. right?

whatever it all is. I'm learning the importance of grace and mercy. forgiveness and kindness. true fellowship. and seriously, love. and I do find beauty in so many situations. such as when I got a boot on my car today. I was kind, friendly, and respectful to the man who came to charge me $80 to take it off. and I think he really needed that. and it was good.

so......I will be more gracious and loving to those I feel are ungracious to me. and I will continue to surrender my unforgiveness to God, for Him to heal even the most broken areas of life.

may He reign.

Him is happy about life.

I just got hit by a wave of sobering realization. all those babies, terminated before they left their mother's womb. those are people who should be here right now.

their lack of chance at life is a haunting reality. God, this place is screwed up.

not slimy, just edgy.

I can't handle the cookie cutter duplicity any longer. It's gonna take a miracle.

E verdade.

Is That Alright?

with you.

Quit. It.

SPAGHET!

brought to you in part by:

success! birthday and day in general made perfect by everyone. thank you all.

a glimpse of Jesus

I stopped by Smith's tonight at about 11:45 for some dish soap. The only lines open upstairs were the self-scan. Something ALWAYS goes wrong when I use them, so that boded ill.

All three were in use, and two men in line in front of me. Suddenly, a lady dropped a case of iced tea, all glass bottles. They broke, of course. One of the men in front of me was wearing a black Smith's shirt, and was trying to buy a bottle of water, obviously at the end of his shift.

The attendant called for a clean-up, and the lady and her friend tried their hand at it. Meanwhile, the Smith's employee in front of me looked around, almost emitting a perceivable sigh, and retrieved a caution sign from another checkstand to place by the mess. He then proceeded to pick up the case of broken glass, and wet and sticky mess and put it in a bag to throw away. As he walked by me to dispose of it, looking a bit tired, he even managed to give me a polite smile.

There are some people whom I truly admire. And sometimes I'm allowed to witness moments of true goodness. It surely takes my eyes off myself.

Random Smith's employee, I hold you in high regard. Thank you for your kindness.

big plans

at an incredible high lately. be warned- it generally comes crashing down unexpectedly.
and hard.
please, please not again!

Dear God:

I don't think I can.
Will You?

::::: it's all rhetorical :::::::

poor Millsap. by the time we match the offer sheet, get rid of Booz, and begin playing again, everyone's gonna basically expect an easy ride to the championship, considering all the hype his name has generated. ha. and we'll be lucky if we make it past the first round, most likely.

and that's my semi-pro prediction. hopefully the fanatical fair-weathers don't massacre him as well, when he doesn't fulfill these high-falutin' expectations.

ohhhhhhhh, SNAP! take THAT for talkin a language you don't speak.

The Hardest Part

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part

And the strangest thing
was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start

I could feel it go down
Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out

And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart

And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
That was the hardest part

I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
Your silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about

I wonder what it's all about

Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do just comes undone
And everything is torn apart

Oh and it's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part

:: Coldplay ::








































. . : : a heart isn't always broken by a lover

uhh......yeah...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight". -Proverbs 3:5-6

Sabine!

Fact:

most archetypal persons who endow us with their personal sports commentary of players, their abilities, and their life situations do so by simply reiterating the stance of others- not by personal examination of said players in real time games or other similar venues of exhibition.

This rather foul and disgusting practice exemplifies my sincere distaste for those who assert their views of said matters, which is essentially blatant plagiarism.

Hrump.

Great Basin Kingdom: An Economic History of Latter-Day Saints 1830-1900, By Leonard J. Arrington

Susanna Metzger
Essay #2
Around 2000

The close relationship between economics and religion was obvious in the Mormon’s choice of settlement in the Salt Lake Valley; a secluded yet fertile land, the perfect place for their intentions. The Mormon people who left Nauvoo were already planning on settling in the Great Basin, and Joseph Smith’s death only hastened their journey.

After gathering much information on the Great Basin, they arrived in the Salt Lake Valley July 1847. Explorations revealed a dry, mountainous land, protected by huge mountains to the east and west. Committees were formed, and each was assigned their own work tasks for building up the city. One such group was called the “council”, and acted as a type of government.

In September, the arrival of about 1,540 more people forced the council to command more houses to be built, and a large field staked off for farming purposes. A type of famine came upon them during the winter, caused by destroyed crops and too many people.

The second year, land was distributed, laws were made concerning regulation of natural resources, and irrigation canals and ditches were dug. They also constructed more public works, and began a circulation of money, backed by gold dust from California. Although the Mormons tried to prevent another winter famine, they failed, and hunger was again a problem during the winter. Also, as a means to provide for the poor, the council prohibited the use of corn for making whiskey, and commanded the more fortunate to share with the less fortunate. When spring began to come, the people grew discouraged, and began to leave. But Brigham Young reminded them that God had called them to the Great Basin.

The Mormon settlement of the Salt Lake Valley was patterned after their earlier attempts, and their seemingly different way of living can be attributed to their seclusion from the rest of the country.

Great Basin Kingdom: An Economic History of Latter-Day Saints 1830-1900, By Leonard J. Arrington

Susanna Metzger
Essay 1
around 2000

Mormon history goes back into the beginning of the nineteenth century. The founder of Mormonism, Joseph Smith, claimed to have been visited by angels, and to have translated from gold plates a 600-page record of America’s early settlers. Most Mormons come from New England, and strongly believed they needed to establish Zion, God’s kingdom, on earth.

Economics played an important part in the early history of the church, and material wealth was as important to them as spirituality. Mormonism was founded in New York, but shortly moved to Jackson County, Missouri. While there, the church devised a stewardship plan of their possessions, to help the well being of the entire church body. They also began to design a meticulous city. But they were driven out of Missouri, so they migrated to Kirtland, Ohio, where their headquarters were.

In Kirtland, they established a banking system, but after its failure, they moved to Far West, Missouri. Being driven from there, they settled in Nauvoo, Illinois. They prospered in Nauvoo until Joseph Smith and his brother were assassinated, and once more, the Mormons were driven away. They set up camps in Iowa, and sent out a Mormon battalion in order to earn money. They continued on pioneering until they reached Salt Lake Valley in July 1847. Once there, they built a village and set up their own resources in order to be independent. They realized cooperation and unity was the key to their independence, so they stressed the importance of that in their business, colonization, and their church.

The Mormons served in church without pay, being expected to earn wages elsewhere. Brigham Young was the head of the Mormon Church, and under him, bishops. The bishops were heads over separate churches, or wards, and in each ward were teachers. A council of 50 was established, who worked in political circles. Something of great importance to every good Mormon is a mission, and every male was called to serve one. It could last two to five years, and the called one must pay for it himself. Economics were very important to the Mormon Church; it was the framework to their society.

BURN THE INSTITUTION!

and all who subscribe.
it's over.

frisbee, anyone?

Jake Ulasich is obsessed with ultimate frisbee.

sorry, just had to say it. :)

so more frisbee today. a nice, cool breeze lent itself to our needy bodies. it was good. the last game I felt like i played some stellar frisbee, and that always feels rockin. Mike Parsons thought it was a good time too.

then a jaunt on over to the Moore's to have a cuppa joe (yum!) and watch the onion. heh. funny stuff.

next in line was brewvies, where Leigh and shared a pizza (artichoke hearts!!!) and we all shared some beer. Jacob, Daniel, and Elizabeth remenisced of how they used to do the star trek simulations at the elementary school- haha!

I took Liz home, then got ready to go out with Rebecca. we headed to the W Lounge for some meet and greet of my new friend Alex (Danny Dance, yo.) who gave us some champagne (VIP!) and then we did some dancing and chatting before taking off. I came home to a delicious rain, which brought out the delightful scent of our alfalfa growing in the....lawn. yum.

tomorrow shall be just as jam-packed: church at EFree, then either lunch with some singles there, or lunch with Mike P., then tennis is it's not too wet. next, graduation party for Ryan and a few other ICSers. then Jaron and I are headed to the K2 "Space Between" group, where i hope to run into Nickolai and possibly Rio. and maybe others... then we will go for coffee.

might as well make the most of the jobless state, me thinks. I concur.

here vs. there

Jesse Ambrose says I should say this:

"So, I might potentially be visiting England in a few months. Should I just drop the visiting part, and make it a stay?"

lol. he's a hoot.

:: a moment like this ::

I's hardcore.




haha. every time Michael tries to get a picture, I leap into view with the cheesiest look on my face. I think it's starting to frustrate him, but I find hilarity in it every time. so I shall continue.




a lovely tree.


I pulled this off a friend's brother's friend's blog. I thought it was funny. And no, I'm not incredibly bored.....just waiting for something.....

Some advice from the wee ones

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7


The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a few of us at the Living Traditions Festival earlier this month. we had just finished an Irish "Sing a Long". it was fabulous.

a very memorable memorial weekend.

Cassie, Jake, Michael and I went hiking up Ben Lomond over the weekend. We meant to stay over two nights, but got rained out. I have never been on a more cold and wet camping trip in my life. But the hike down in the rain was so worth it-green, wonderful aroma, and so fresh. it turns out my friend Daniel Miller, and his dad Carl, hiked right by us (Cassie saw them when she was getting ready to go pee outside. :) ) and they saw us camping there, and then found one of our water bottle Cas had dropped, and left it for us on Michael's truck. I'm pretty sure Utah is too small for me- I keep running into people I know, everywhere I go. It's like a small town. Except just, small state. Meh.

Jake and I like string cheese. a lot.


she looks so cute!



cooking.




*******

I feel jaded. and frustrated. and I really want to be alone for a good long time. I'm pretty sure I need more of Jesus.

que legal!

Say "NO" to people.

I've learned much better over the years when to say "no". when to take time away, have some solitude. I know more of when my soul is overdone in the social and media world. what I love so much about school is the ability to enjoy peace. to walk in silence. smell the pine trees. hear the birds, the jack hammers. breath in deeply of fresh, summer air.

when I don't take the time out to just be, my insides become tense. I'm on edge, I don't think clearly, and I definitely get irritated more quickly with people. when I DO take time out, to be alone, I find that when I re-enter social activity, I'm much better at seeing people with grace. better at listening. better at loving. it's a good process, if allowed to come full circle.

it's encouraging to reflect on habits, disciplines, and my soul, and find a bit of wisdom and maturity seeping in. there is hope for us all!

last week, Jake, Cas, Jacob, and I went to a roller derby competition in which some of Cassie's friends were competing. I had been unaware that such a thing even existed. at first, I was seriously doubtful about it all. but it ended up being fairly interesting, and the half-time entertainment rocked. kids on roller skates, dancing and break dancing. awesome. then we went over to Jacob and Monira's new house to help Jacob put together their new Ikea chairs and footstools. when we arrived, Cas and Jake wanted to look around, and that brought us outside. to my complete joy, we found the yard bursting with colours and fragrance. I'm so accustomed to the desert of Stockton, that vast abundances of flowers are more satisfying than a good plate of coconut korma. well, ok. maybe not. but close. anyway.....in my bare feet, I skipped over to a lilac bush, begging Jacob to allow me to pick some. he complied, so I enthusiastically picked a lovely arrangement. Jake Ulasich, semi-laughing, said that if I was born in the 60's, I would have been a hippie.

well. duh.

Jake and Jacob putting together Jacob and Monira's new chairs from Ikea.


the lovely lilacs.

pretty sure I'm just content to glory innocently like a child, in the beauty I find all around me.

and in all things

just enjoying my time here with Jake and Cassie. and the sun, and fresh fruit. and ultimate frisbee with retro headbands. enjoying good relationships, people who love me. enjoying the awe I feel in God's working in life, in our hearts. not exactly looking forward to classes over the summer, and needing to get a job soon to pay rent. but trusting in God's provision as always.

I'm also going over a lot of things in my mind. sometimes I think I get to a place where I'm "past that", but then the same feelings, struggles, or issues come up and I realize it's more of an on-going problem. like, why do I get so down on myself about certain things, when those things are the things I'm actually attempting to avoid? I also understand, however, that because these struggles have become an area where the devil knows I am susceptible, he can get me in it. and without dear friends like Hatley and Cassie and Rebecca, who help me walk through it, I probably would let satan have more of a stronghold. instead, I choose to take every thought captive and submit it to God. praise Him for His faithfulness and power in our lives!


our group

Grand Canyon Day 4

view from the Clear Creek campground.


a bruise. acquired in a very unexciting, shuttle bus way. yes. i bruised my leg on the seat of a shuttle bus. before we even began hiking. how lame.

this day we planned to get up at a reasonable hour, and go for a day hike to find some water coming forth from the rocks. we found it last time we came to Clear Creek, and it was basically the highlight of my dad's and Daniel's trip. so we set off, me taking pics along the way, daniel slipping in the streams, and david just enjoying himself.

we named this one "Jesse Falls". After our friend, Jesse Falls. ha, HA!



I kissed a frog. and it felt good.

we went pretty far, even up and behind a waterfall, but eventually I was getting tired, it was getting late, and we needed to hike out a few miles that night. so david and I sat to rest, while daniel went on a bit further to seek out the fountain of youth. er, water bursting forth from the rocks?

the waterfall we climbed behind. I don't remember if we named this one?

while sitting and waiting, I imagined all sorts of scenarios where daniel got lost, hurt, or injured. and no one knew where we were. reminded me of that time in Parati, Rio de Janeiro, with Jake, Elizabeth, and Cassie. ha. those Moore's. always getting into dangerous situations. ahem. I digress.

I also thought there was an animal in a tiny cave nearby, but turns out it was nothing. then we heard daniel returning, and we climbed atop a huge boulder to hide and scare him. he was terrified. and had found the agua! success.

the rock from whence the water came.

folk will never die.


no cheese, at all.


the burninator. a story in itself!

we returned to camp, where we proceeded to enjoy the most tasty meal of rice a roni, EVER. it was cheese and broccoli, and I loved it. then we packed up and headed out. the trail on the way out was one I was fearing the entire time. but the actual steepness of it was fine, I was surprised at how quickly it was over. the height and smallness of the trail terrified me, however. and I was very nervous that david would take a fall. but we made it.

this trail. terrifying.

once out, we proceeded to rid ourselves of our excess food weight- lots of instant oatmeal and some gatoraid powder. then we found ourselves a good spot to bivvy up on the tonto, and tried to sleep. It rained a bit in the night, which had me worried. but it was only a bit, and we finally got some sleep.


the depletion of our fare.


view from the plateau above Clear Creek.

it's life, Jim. but not as we know it.

sometimes, certain things or memories pop up in my mind, and I selfishly desire my life and my family to be back to the way it was. before everyone was taken out or away from me. but when I get over my nostalgia, my resistance to changed relationships, my hurt feelings, my loneliness- whatever it was that struck me in that moment, I often bring myself into contemplation of what God has done through me, to me, and with me- throughout the difficulties of changes.

I'm so amazed at the things I'm able to do, to strive for, to plan, to stand up to. but none of it would have happened sans God, or with the crutch of siblings. He truly knows what He's doing, when he takes certain things from us. "He gives and takes away// He gives and takes away// my heart will learn to say, Lord blessed be Your name" -c.t. that song is oft crushingly bittersweet to me, yet remains the constant reminder to me that He alone truly IS my all in all. and that is the sweetest thing, the most astounding truth my mind can seem to grasp. that God IS all I need. He IS my provision. without a job, constant moving from one place to the next- never my own home, but always staying momentarily in other's homes. a constant ebb and flow of attempting to achieve, but never seeing the results.

all this tends to sound like self-pity. well it's not. it's one of those other reminders, that as rough as it may be for me, Christ also went though it. "birds have nests, and foxes have dens" but the Son of God was a homeless man.

I love that my Jesus experienced any trial or difficulty that i shall ever encounter.
I love that God keeps me in a constant state of refining fire, always reminding me the need to be purified.
I love that I feel so out of place, no matter which group of people I commune with, because it reminds me I actually do not belong.
I love that since I chose to re-offer my heart and soul to Jesus, my passion and purpose has been re-ignited in ways unthinkable.
I love that God has provided relationships that bless me and encourage my heart, but that He's also provided relationships where i am able to speak into other's lives, and love them, as well.
I love that through practically every experience I have in life, humanity is constantly in my face, teaching me lessons of pride, humility, selfishness, compassion, faith, love, joy, patience- essentially, I learn of my own selfish desires, while at the same time, learning to be filled with the compassion, grace and mercy that Christ has given me.
I love that He's shaping my dreams, my goals, my plans- that He is the center of them all.
I love that He's enabling them to come true!
I love that when my heart becomes sad or hurt, I've learned to give my thoughts and mind back to God and allow His purposes to be more eminent and real.
I love that I am content and joyous in life, rather than feeling overwhelmed by hopelessness and wanting it al to just quickly end.
most of all, I simply love Jesus. in ways that words truly cannot express. So......

"listen to our hearts. hear our spirits sing. listen to the songs of praise that flow, from those you have redeemed. we can use the words we know, to tell you what an awesome God you are. but words are not enough, to tell you of our love, so listen to our hearts."

:: bless the Lord, O my soul. and all, that is within me bless His holy, name ::

Grand Canyon Day 3

We woke up sore, on top on the tonto. It wasn't too early, but around 6:30. I could barely move. I was already popping the ibuprofen fast and furious. We headed out, towards Clear Creek campground. It was around six more miles, but it felt like it took forever.

Once we arrived, Daniel and I weren't in any mood to go on another long hike that day, we we relaxed in the little pool of water we had made five years ago. It's smaller than it used to be, but at least it still existed. The we had enough energy to head upstream a bit. We soon found a small, little waterfall that we had previously named "Charity Falls". Any ideas as to why it was dubbed thus?


Charity Falls


Daniel was eaten by the falls. I think it got mad at us or something.


enjoying the sun and the wetness of water.

The rest of the day we napped, played games, at Couscous with Pepperroni and string cheese, and just rested. David could easily have done more, but Daniel and I were plain tuckered out.


playing Mennonite Madness


We even tasted some cactus; it wasn't too bad.


doctoring his blisters


getting out of control

We ended the day by eating as many snacks as possible, trying to lessen the weight of our packs. Then we went to sleep under the stars.

Grand Canyon Day 2

After briefly stopping in Page, Arizona, we drove on to the Grand Canyon National Park. Once there, we found our campsite and set up my brand new tent. It was really cold, so we decided to sleep in the tent at least that night on the rim. But we wouldn't take the tent into the Canyon. Fro weight purposes. We supped in the only restaurant available, since we chose not to pack food for dinner that night. (Don't ever get the catfish or the creamed spinach. not so bueno!)

Wednesday, March 29th
getting a nice, early start that day was key.....well, compared to prior years, it felt early. ;)


David and i were laughing, because the weight of my pack (about 45 lbs.) nearly pulled me over backwards.

then we took before pictures:


We proceeded down the South Kaibab trial, a steep, but shorter trail that the Bright Angel trail. The South Kaibab trail was about 7.3 miles from top to the bottom, Phantom Ranch.

A few shots while progressing downward.




still pretty chipper, despite the strenuous activity. :)


taking a short break...



we made it down to the river, and took a break to cool off. my legs were officially shot at this point, from the constant downhill trekking.





then we went over the Phantom Ranch, where we enjoyed a beer (not David!) and some games inside the Canteen. We were kicked out when they were making dinner. Which just so happened to be a $40 steak dinner. We ate Pasta Roni outside on a picnic table, our mouths watering at the smell of the delicious, dead cow.

We proceeded to pack back up, and head towards Clear Creek for a few miles. We needed to get at least a couple more in before we divvied up on the tonto.

the last few pictures I took this day were of this lovely yellow.....flower/plant. huge bumblebees were enjoying it, and we had a short little discussion on my bee sting allergies and our lack of adequate bee sting treatment. we were only about half a mile in, so we quickly continued on. it grew dark, and about 2.3 miles into the hike we found a spot large enough for three people to sleep. we snacked for a bit and conversed, and I called my dad to inform him of our divvying on the tonto, and that I had cell phone reception. the sky was huge and beautiful with stars, and we fell asleep tired, sore, but content.