graphic design

Photo taken by Ritchie Espenilla, climber is Jonathan Strickland. Text added by Susanna Metzger via Adobe Photoshop.

alone and cozy

(Elizabeth in Hawaii)

I just watched Garden State. on my laptop, alone in my room. I feel so cozy and content, with my $10 Wal Mart pillow.

I've been sick the last few days, so my head is all stuffed up.

I'm excited to sleep in tomorrow.

I didn't agree at all with Plugged In's review of Garden State, but hey- what's new? I think they want clean films that are always family friendly and happy endings. unfortunately, that's not life. and real life tends to keep me in reality check mode- and confronting the hard stuff.

The Halford Pout comes out!

I've been rollerblading with a coworker after work a few days this week, and I'm happy he suggested it, because it's going to be a good way to start getting back in the groove. it's also opened me up to approaching people and issues at work with a fresh perspective, and I'm excited about where that may go. I am praying my heart and mind continually stays focused and centered in God, in order to be a good ambassador. In all honesty, I can think of a few instances this week where I chose to act or respond to coworkers in ways that I subconsciously felt that they would appreciate. Ug. I hate those random moments where I unintentionally attempt to be what I think others might like. Where did the unique, "Susanna doesn't care what YOU think about her, because Jesus is who she serves" person go in that moment? I don't like myself when I do that. Like laugh at a worthless, crude joke. Or smile when someone says something cruel and cutting about a former employee. That's not of Jesus. That's not love. That's not what I want to be.

So. Next step, confess my sins, confront and repent. And fill my heart and mind with love......to be ever sensitive to the souls that God loves just as much as myself. even those beastly people in over-sized, gas guzzling trucks who tailgate you when you're already stuck behind slow people. rawr.


in Page, Arizona

Caleb's Story

I was going to blog about this myself, but I feel that my brother did a better job than I could ever do. So, here are Caleb's thoughts regarding the Jr. Jazz game he coached on Saturday: (Below are all the words of Caleb Metzger)


I would like to tell you a heartwarming story and it has nothing to do with pregnancy or babies. Ashley is grateful for the break in pregnancy blogging overload.

Yesterday I had a Jr. Jazz game to coach. We were only going to have 4 players show up and the rule is that you must have a fifth player by the time halftime ends or you have to forfeit the game. The 2 players we were missing were 2 of our best, so even if a fifth player showed by halftime chances were dismal that we could make a game of it.

The game started and the 4 players on our team kept the game close through the first quarter. They even had a 6-5 lead at one point. The quarter ended at 13-9 in favor of our opponents. We had word in the second quarter that Micah Metzger, a potential 5th player, was nearing the gym but still a ways away. I used all 4 of our timeouts in the 2nd quarter to stop the clock. That wasn't giving us enough time so we committed 4 fouls in the last 2 minutes to keep the clock stopped as well. Then in a moment of genius, our team was going to have an inbounds pass. I told the kid to not pass it in, but hold it, take the turnover, and buy us a few more seconds. No one seemed to know what was happening with this and it took about a minute for the other team to assemble and get the ball in. As valiantly as the 4 players played halftime hit and we were losing 23-11. Halftime was winding down and we wondered if we would have our 5th player in time, just so we could finish the game. With 53 seconds left someone yelled, "there's Micah!" He ran in and that got quite the ovation.(Think Derek Fisher a few years back for the Jazz) Our team started quickly, having the correct amount of players will do that for you, and cut the lead to 6 in the first 3 minutes. Right then something happened that could have ruined the team's morale. One of our best defensive and rebounding players fouled out. This meant we had to finish the rest of the game with 4 players, and we had the full 5 players for only 3 minutes of a 40 minute game! The ref turned to me and said, "If you pull this one out, it'll be a miracle." Our team fought back playing excellent defense and scoring just enough to have the game tied as the fourth quarter ended. This meant we would go to a 3 minute overtime. In the extra period, Micah made a jump shot and a free throw and the other team could only muster a single free throw! At the end of a 43 minute game we had played 40 minutes with one fewer player and in this age group there should be no way to win against those odds. Alas, the score stood at 35-33 in our favor!!! The team and fans were pumped! After the dust had settled and the broken pieces of the opposing team's hearts were swept up, I took a look at the score sheet. In the 23 minutes that Micah had played, our team outscored the other team 24-10, with only 4 players! Micah had personally scored 20 points in those 23 minutes. He had doubled the other team's output in the time he played.

This is a team that does not have the most talent I have coached and probably not the most talent in our league. Athletically, they are not the most gifted team. But they play with the most heart and best teamwork of any team I have seen at this age level. They have finished the regular season with a 7-1 record, only losing to a Dugway team that has played together for a long time. If you want to see some awesome basketball, be at Clark Johnson Jr High in Tooele, Wednesday at 7pm.

I awoke from my sleep early the next morning dreaming that we were playing again and my heart was racing so much that I couldn't fall back to sleep. On the same note, Ashley woke up dreaming about hamburgers, huge chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and having to choose between chili and french fries!!! Oh the excitement of our lives!

perfect day

this weekend was amazing. I stayed home fri and sat alllll day, except sat I went to Micah's nail biting Jr. Jazz game. which he won. and only 4 players most of the game. it was awesome. I went to 2 jazz games this week, most notable of course was the celtics. soo fun.

today I went to k2 the church with josiah, talked to an jeff loomis, talked to kyle korver, and headed over to oasis. I was met with a huge surprise of jon gerhardt, spenser holiday, and shalom AND bethany, and anne claire, and mara, joly, holly, etc. omg. it was like youth group flashback. i wanted to cry. I got to see so many people today I love and have missed, and with NO bitterness. God's forgiveness, and healing grace is mind-boggling.

so the oasis young adults group went to play wally ball for a few hours, that was a blast. then quick stop for coffee with jacob, nira, and david- where nira spilled her soda all over the car, and jacob nearly ran a red light. scaring us to death!

next, we had a meeting with shannon and tammy mcneil, concerning a drama we are putting on soon called "coffee shop talks". it's basically addressing the "taboo" subjects people don't talk about in church. I'm really excited for it, and super glad they're including me in it. I was actually able to share my heart for a bit, and that was sweet.

then I went to dinner with jacob, nira, and david. I shared with them why I left Oasis, which was so freeing, and I felt a deep heart connection with them. they received it very graciously, and encouraged me as I make preparations for the next step.

then I went over to some new friend's house, to watch the academy awards with them. two of us had no idea what was going on, and the other one knew little. but we had fun, and I got to know them a bit better.

all in all, I felt like God brought about some more heart-felt honesty today, some more healing and reconciliation. it's a sweet experience for sure. but as more healing takes place, the more of a struggle I have with where I belong in the church body. with community now at four different fellowships, I'm not sure where I should be. maybe i will forever be the roving little social butterfly Brook has tagged me as.

seriously though. who is this susanna, and where did the old one go? I have a boldness and social network that I would have never believed could exist, just 10 years ago.

all things are possible with God, eh? He certainly has made me new!

GO JAZZ!

The Jazz won. They beat Boston. (Best record) And I was there.

Life is good.

:: along came a spider, and sat down beside her ::

THAT was metaphoric. I have had spiders come along, and "sit" beside me, but I cannot remember the last time it happened. So, metaphorically speaking, a spider has sat down beside me. And it is causing me grief. mmm.....perhaps we had better take a few steps back, and start at a more logical time.....

The last few months have flown by, much quicker than any winter I can recall. (This is good, very good!)It can be attributed in part to working full time, taking classes full time, and having full time friendships- many, many wonderful people to fill my sparse time! But the biggest factor is God. And my heart. And how my heart is much more in tune with God. I LOVE it!


See, I intentionally chose to begin some reconciliation with old friends. Before leaving for Brazil, my heart had become hardened, bitter, and cold towards some people. Many of them didn't and still don't realize why- unfortunately, I don't always share when I should. Regardless, I had essentially been holding grudges against a lot more people than I realized. So, one by one, (or two by two, since some are married.)I forgave in my heart, let it go, and initiated a reestablishment of our past friendship. There are still a few more to go, the two hardest and most scary ones included, but I'm trusting that God WILL make everything work together for good.

Amazingly, every time my heart forgave a person, it felt like that bit of my heart was restored. You have no idea how much more alive I feel now, compared to even as recent as October. It feels like I have new eyes, new lungs, a new spirit. I experienced a week of absolute beauty and glory in December- a fantastic sunset three nights in a row, shooting stars twice in the same week, fabulous talks with friends that revealed to me God's heart is truly touching the people in my life, and a new-found passion for Jesus. I saw beauty in the snow, in babies again, in the architecture of buildings, and the warmth of a fire. During this time, I seriously felt like I was on a spiritual high- I kept going, and going, and going. Little sleep, and tons of busyness- yet I never crashed. In fact, I still haven't! (Although, I feel I am getting sick, which is a good sign that I am pushing myself too hard.)

God's been so good to me, and the past few months, through the whole process, I keep finding myself seeing all the blessings he's given me. It's as though before, I was so consumed with myself, with all I wanted or thought was best for me, that I had forgotten to see with the eyes of Jesus. And now.......

One of the best things I've realized is how many amazing friends I have. Not just friends, but best friends. True "till death" type friends. Brook, Jes, Lea, Elizabeth, Rebecca, Shana, Hatley, Cassie, Lydia, Julia...what is so truly amazing about this, though, is that when I was 16, I constantly begged God for a friend. Just one close friend. And I never got one, not till a few years later. I know that whether that was God's specific plan or not, he did use it in my life. It forced me to go to Him, and Him alone. He was my sole comfort and strength. Though I falter at times, and revert back to man's opinions and expectations, I still have that strong foundation he created in me nine years ago. And now,I can revel in the joy of sharing life with some awesome girls who love me.





What's even better......because of my heightened desire for God, and my joy in my friendships, i have realized one singular, incredible fact:

I am. Content being single. Not to say I don't want to Marry some day, etc, etc, etc. But for once in my life, I am not plagued by constant longing for a relationship. Holy freaking cow! That is AMAZING!

So that's been my heart. I've also witnessed a few reconciled relationships with other people, which I would never have imagined- definitely, all the glory goes to God. It brings a smile to my face, and I look forward to seeing more of this to come.

My adventures.........

I drove down to Page, Arizona for a weekend to meet up with Shana. She's doing a Physical Therapy Clinical in Sierra Vista, so we met up halfway to hang out. It was a blast, refreshing, and beautiful. We saw Antelope Canyon, which I quickly realized is very famous, but I had no idea where it was. I captured some great shots of the place, which made my day.










The following weekend, I flew to Hawaii to visit Zac and Brook. It was a bit of a last minute decision, and I actually told few people about it. (Hey, I like keeping some things in confidence!) Elizabeth flew in the same day, and I was there for most of her visit. We packed in tons of adventures: Pearl Harbor, the downtown beach area, drinks at the Red Lion, the swap meet, snorkling, a couple of hikes, a visit to the north shore to take some fun beach pics, (for the use of photoshoping later, heheheheh!) a sunset dinner cruise with the most annoying tour guide EVER. We also visited the Dole Plantation, and ate Pineapple ice cream- then Elizabeth led us through "2001's World's Biggest Maze"! She was great. Oh, and yum! We also bought some fresh fruit and ate that at the beach. We played Rockband one night, and I will tell you. I hate snowboarding, and I hate Rockband.



We stayed on Oahu. It was terribly touristy. But I went solely to spend some quality time with Zac and Brook, and get some warm weather. I scored very highly in both areas. It was hard to come home to a snowy airport.......




Now that I'm back, I'm trying to stay warm, enjoy spending hours upon hours of sanding doors at work, keep up on schoolwork, and spend time with my friends. On Friday, I went Rock climbing at Rockreation with Rebecca, then snowboarding with Lea and her friend Melissa, then to Brewvies with Dan, Keith, Jacob, and Elizabeth. We saw an interesting documentary type film on David Frost and Richard Nixon, regarding (duh) Watergate and Frost's interviews with Nixon. I had never realize what a conceited man Nixon was.......

Saturday, I went to the World Cup Bobsled races with my friend Leigh and her coworker Leah. Wow, it was frigid up there in Park City! It was neat to see, it was my first time, but wow. Cold. Did you know, Salt Lake is bidding on another winter olympics? you have to wait 12 years, so that would be 2014. And since Lake Placid and Utah are the only places in the USA that have the bobsled facilities, well, we seem to have a good shot! (and plenty of money to pass around...) Then I headed to a game night at Cassie and Jake's, where the married couple hosted all the singles without dates for V-day! Thanks, guys! You're the greatest! It was the best V-Day since 2004, when a bunch of YWAM guys gave all the girls roses and foot massages. heh.

I hope this is enough for now. I'm beginning to run out of thoughts, myself. Enjoy!

(oh. the grief I mentioned at the top? that's going to have to be for another post. :)


(this one's for you, Charity!)

I heart U

Charity, this photo is for you:




ps. yes, it's been ages since I posted. I have tons to write about. But it shall all have to wait, until after Hawaii.

Cheers!