peace on earth and goodwill towards men

currently in Lake City, Colorado with Charity and Jordan. Josiah and I drove up here Wednesday. it's been the best "holiday" since.....Easter. ha. I woke up to "pretty" snow falling today. I've been catching up on sleep. Having some good conversations with the other three. Crying during war movies. Doing homework. Laughing at Jordan. Pretty chill.

Peace.

earth-shattering

my life is going to change. there's nothing I can do about it, because it's coming no matter what. whether it ends up being very small, or something drastic, the ball of change is rolling at me at a rapid speed. there's no avoidance anymore. no uncertain procrastination. being unsure of what will honor God most, what will glorify Him best, all I can do is say: (repeat after me) "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." -Proverbs 3:5-6. Proverbs 3:5-6. Proverbs 3:5-6. Proverbs 3:5-6, Proverbs 3:5-6 Proverbs 3:5-6 Proverbs3:5-6proverbs35-6proverbs356.........breath.

when exactly does one reach the point where one has transferred the burden, the worry, onto God? how does one know when one has reached that point? or is it much like sanctification, a daily, often hourly occurrence?

in other news. I am ashamed of myself. utterly ashamed and disgusted. after all I claim to believe, support, and desire: I failed to listen to the Holy Spirit TWICE, in the very same place, two weeks in a row. What a little hypocrite.


she stood there. on the same corner they always stand, rain or shine,when these events take place. but now, my heart was changed. something should be different. a new occurrence, a brand-new outcome. there's compassion now. a desire to give. to serve. closer, closer she gets, as my feet travel her direction. her eyes. alive? dead? dull and empty? or a glimmer of hope remaining?

the moment has arrived. something must happen. only two choices. what is right, and what is wrong. many options for what is right, and also many unknowns. only one option for what is wrong: just walk away.

what's this?? the latter? no, no! that's not what you want! why? why do you ignore, pretend you did not see her pain, her suffering, her need. she is He. He is waiting. looking. Hoping. yet, selfishness wins. fear, of what the others (others who are just as unknown and nameless anyway!) may think. fear of pointing, whispers, stares. so you turn. you give in to the evil. continue on your way, betraying all you say you stand for.

she is still there. remaining. in need. desperate. you are so blessed, your life is plentiful. yet fear wins, and you remain selfish. despicable.

she is gone. you seek her out, but your chance is gone. wait....what? now it's him- another one in need. do it, do it! there's not much time/see his eyes? he's in need/he is human/he is Christ/He is pleading.

again? twice in two weeks, twice in one night? the fear of man, the fear of the unknown wins, over the desire and knowledge of what is good/true/lovely/blessed? you are weak. you need Him, more than even they. O, that He would have mercy on your poor and selfish heart!!!
sm²

Oh God! Forgive me. Show me mercy; give me another chance. I have grieved you, and that grieves me. Forgive me, Father!

dreams be dreams

a few night ago, I dreamt about eggs. last night, I dreamt about fantasy basketball and that dancing queen took the lead and beat me.

a. good thing she didn't- now i'm in second place!

b. I'm not so sure how I feel about dreaming about fantasy basketball......

I think everyone who claims to be my friend MUST read "Jesus for President" by Shane Claiborn. Now.

"One of the latest additions to the English dictionary is "Meh," the phrase of apathy. It speaks highly of our society when that word has entered the social consciousness enough to make it into the dictionary. Isn't it exciting? Meh ..."
Relevantmagazine.com

11/17/08 | 06:04

haha. so true.

:: essay ::

In my Intercultural Communications class, I needed to answer the following discussion question. Why, when answering a mere question, do I end up with an essay, and when asked to write an essay, I struggle to reach the minimum word count? (Answer: If the subject matter is myself, the words do tend to flow!!!!) I felt like all the hard work shouldn't go to waste, so here is a copy of my thoughts.

Choose at least four of the identities discussed in Chapter 4 of your textbook. What is the label that describes you in each of these identities? How does having that set of labels affect you in your communication with others?



Gender Identity:

I am a female. This is an identity I embrace, yet cringe at- both in the same breath. I love being feminine, feeling free to cry or experience pain in a tender-hearted way. I feel womanly when I put on lipstick, I love knowing intuitively how someone is feeling and what they need emotionally. But at the same time.........I grew up with many male friends who discriminated against me because I was a "girl". They challenged my intelligence, my athletic abilities, my sense of humor, and my abilities to lead. Every week I experience one form or another of gender-discrimination, whether it be a friend from church asking all the "guys" to help carry heavy musical equipment, male friends in a Bible study asking Theological questions and only really listening to the other men answer, or one of the most frustrating ones: playing ANY sport with a group of males, and rarely being included in the game simply because they don't pass the ball to me.


My communication with others is affected by this label in a variety of ways: I feel empowered to assist someone, when I can tell what their emotional needs may be. I have an inner strength and calm in this, and enjoy just being there for someone to lean on. I feel the heavy weight of inequality, however, in other settings, and it frustrates me and often angers me to the point of being incredibly aggressive (in order to PROVE my ability) or I quit frequenting those groups because I can't get past their prejudices.




Racial Identity:

I am White. A very uninteresting, caucasian saturated white. I am neither proud of or embarrassed by this label. (Based just on the label itself, not what historic connotations it might imply.) I know without a doubt I HAVE lived a life with special privileges and freedoms, simply because I am white. I have rarely experienced any racism directed towards me, and what little I have, it was generally more out of curious ignorance, rather than hate-inspired racism. I cannot identify with people of different cultures in this regard, because I have never truly been targeted unkindly by my whiteness. Even when spending an afternoon in a mall in DC, where 99% of the people (outside of my own group!) were black, none of them even seemed to notice. It was my friends and I who noticed we were the only whites. Base on this, although I can seek to understand and be respectful of those of different ethnic backgrounds, my communication with them is limited, because I can never truly understand what it's like to be in their place. Unless, of course, I move somewhere where whites are prejudiced against. (Even then, though, you have the ability to go places where you aren't.)


Class Identity:

I am lower-middle class. I grew up as the 4th child, in a 9 children home, and my father was a bus driver, who made $40,000 a year. My family was essentially near the poverty line, considering my father's income. Because of the lifestyle this forced me to live, I can identify fairly well with lower-class persons. I rarely owned anything new, we ate the cheapest healthy food my mom could find, and had no money for vacations. My parents had absolutely no money to put aside for college, cars, or anything of that nature. My siblings and I work our way through college, purchase our own vehicles, etc, without help from our parents. I currently attend a church where the majority of the attendees are much more well-off than I am. I am a youth leader in the youth group, and most of the students are rich. It is extremely hard to identify with them, to relate to them, and converse about some things. My life experiences have taught me things that some of these students may never understand, and that barrier is often frustrating to me. I find it a breath of fresh air to be in communities (often regarded as "white-trash" or "trailery") where the people are poor. They understand hardships and pain, and I can identify and communicate with them more freely.


Age Identity:

I am 24 years old. I live in Utah, where the average age of marriage is around 21. I am still single, not even dating, in fact. In Utah, at 24 you are either in college, (or almost finished) or married with a child on the way. I grew up in a large family, so I had many experiences where I had to mature quickly, learn to care for children early on, and deal with financial burdens. These things did not happen to my friends, so it set me apart, even at 19. I also took a break from college at 22, and I felt the pressure from all around to either marry or finish school. From most people's point of view, there are no other options in life. However, I was the Youth Ministry Coordinator at my church for a while. I ran programs and took charge of events where I was in charge of, and spiritually leading, broken and hurting teenagers. This made me grow up very quickly, while most of my peers were doing other things. I have worked full time since the age of 19, and continue to do so while finishing my "college" education.

Being 24 in Utah, and still single, not finished with College, but having the life experiences I have had, create a mixture of communication difficulties for me. I can relate to older adults in some ways, but not on levels of marriage and child-rearing. I can relate again to college aged peers in some aspects, but in others, (like living in a foreign country and caring for three street girls) my life story is put together in such an a-typical way that I often feel barriers. I cannot communicate to females in my circles who are married, with children, and have never pursued higher education. Our minds, thoughts, and real-life situations are so starkly different that it becomes awkward and sometimes painful to me. I work with their male-counterparts, and have deeper friendships with them, (based on career and/or education) and this hinders my communication with them.


All of these complex aspects of my own personal labels affect my communication with others. In some ways, the communication gets blocked completely. In others, I can learn from people and prepare for my future from this new knowledge. In some aspects, my communication is frustrated to the point of needing to explain the complexities to those i am unable to communicate with, in order for them to understand my perspective. All in all, I can see how each label truly defines part of who you are, and affects your interactions with others.

Prosphatos

We had a game night tonight at Jake and Cassie's. And, well guys. It's just not the same without all of Prosphatos there. So, my dedication goes out to none other than Elizabeth and Rebecca Moore. WE MISS YOU!!!

I want to live in a hole.

good//gracious???? (or not so good. or gracious)

:: well I'm proud to be a Christian, when at least I know who's King. And I won't forget, the man who died for me. And I'll proudly stand up! Next to HIM. And defend my Christ today. 'Cause there isn't a doubt, I love this Man......God bless the Lord of All!!!! ::




Bahahhahaha. Cheesy to the max. But I'm so freakin' sick of all the Christamerican mumbo jumbo, that I want to hurl all over the "God Bless America"'s that I hear. And all the hate-monging Christapublican garbage being smeared across Jesus' heart. Good heavens! God never called us to attack each other, or the opposite political party. Let's have it for a little lovin' and grace and mercy, for the sake of all that is Holy!!!!! (and quit tarnishing that which IS Holy!!!)

Dear me. Jesus for President. All the way. James 1:27.